Life with Ana, Maddie, & Mia...

3...part deux

2011-10-31T20:43:00.005-06:00

Our sweet Mia Gabrielle

Born on September 19th, 2011

9 lbs 11 oz ~ 20 inches

And now there are 3 beautiful little girls in our house, in our lives, and in our hearts. And I could not be happier!

She's 6 weeks today so clearly her birth didn't bring with it any kind of miraculous time management skills that would allow me to sit down and actually write on this blog within any kind of reasonable time period ;). Oh wellz...

Our newest little sweetpea, like her sisters, was created with her own share of stubborness and ended up needing a bit of a nudge out of the warm and comfy home she had known for 9 months and into the warm and comfy arms of Mommy and Daddy.

So at 40 weeks and 6 days I was induced. Throughout this entire pregnancy I had committed myself to having the natural birth I had wanted with each of my pregnancies. I was ready. I got informed. I was going to do it. And truth be told, the doctor would've allowed me to wait it out another 4 days. But that was it. And this sweet baby refused to drop. At 40 weeks she wasn't even low enough to have my membranes stripped in the hopes of progressing things. I was 2-3 cm dilated for weeks but this little one refused to scoot down which was keeping my cervix from thinning out. So given the option to be induced just 4 days before the "deadline" and my out of control desire to meet the little caboose that would complete our family, I gave in - with conditions.

Monday morning, September 19th the Mr. and I checked into the hospital. I was like a little girl on Christmas morning. So completely excited. Not nervous at all and 100% ready to meet this sweet baby. BUT I was still holding on to my dream of a natural birth. And so I requested that the doctor break my water in hopes of that getting things moving along. So he agreed - and said he would give me 2 hours. If nothing happened they would start Pitocin (argh!). When he went to break my water I was 3-4 cm and she was still so high that, for a moment, he almost couldn't reach my bag of waters! Sweetpea STILL hadn't dropped! But he did reach it. And so we waited. I could feel my contractions getting a bit more intense but they were completely manageable. When my (awesome) nurse came in to check on me I asked how my contractions looked and she said they were the same as when I had come in. No change! What the?? So at 10:30 on the dot in she came with the bag of pain..err, I mean Pitocin. I asked that she start it very slow so she infused it at only 2 drops an hour. Within minutes the contractions HIT. I won't lie - it was awful. They were on top of each other, leaving me little room to rest between them. They were strong, they were painful, and the were long. I hated it. There was nothing that felt natural about them. They were forced. They felt forced. They took away from what I had wanted to experience and feel. The next two hours went like this...

10:30 - Pitocin started.
11:15 - 5 to 6 cm. Anesthesiologist called.
11:40 - Epidural given.
11:55 - 8 to 9 cm. Dr. Josupait called.
12:25 - The tell me to push half way through a contraction (??? no idea I was about to start pushing. Anthony wasn't even standing next to me!)
12:31 pm - we have a beautiful baby GIRL!

2 hours of active labor. 1.5 really tough hours, the rest not so bad (meds!). Was it what I wanted? Not at all. Do I regret any of it? Not even a moment. At the end of it all we got the only thing that really mattered - a beautiful, healthy baby girl that only God could've created put safely in our arms. At the end of the day I didn't care how she got here. All that mattered was that she was here and we were complete. And so in love.

The last 6 weeks have been unreal. She's so beautiful and sweet and she smells so good! My life has been soooo good for so long time that I honestly had no clue that it could even get this much better. Her sisters are in love with her, her daddy is the most patient I've ever seen him, and I'm pretty sure it was a solid 4 weeks before I put her down, for what that's worth :).

This life with 3 is amazing. And so completely how it was always meant to be.

3.

2011-08-28T21:42:00.005-05:00

In less than 3 weeks I'm due to be the mommy of 3.

In less than 3 weeks I'm due to give birth to my 3rd sweet baby.

In less than 3 weeks I will quite possibly have 3 girls (or my very 1st little boy).

I've been waiting well over 3 years for this sweet baby.

I share a due date with 2 of my friends. All 3 of us are due on the same day. Crazy.

Last week I was supposed to have started my 3rd semester of Nursing School but instead I'll be lucky enough to be spending that time at home with this little one.

It's hard for me to wrap my brain around it - around the idea that I'm so close to seeing this sweet baby's face and meeting the little one that gets the hiccups and break dances inside my belly. When I found out we were pregnant back in January I thought I'd document this entire pregnancy here. And then life happened. School and our business and the Mr. and our busy little girls and 3 solid months of not feeling so hot happened.

And now it's almost here. And I'm so excited I can barely stand it. Come one sweet baby #3, Mommy can't wait to meet you!

Farewell, 2010

2011-01-02T08:43:00.011-06:00

Omgosh it's been so long.

I feel like it seems pointless to make myself any kind of promises or offer up any kind of apologies for not blogging more. I can't do it. I want to do it. But then I don't. And I'm pretty ok with that. I think. And then I come on here and realize I haven't put up a picture of my girls in FOREVER. And I'm not scrapbookin' on this end. And I'm not writin' in any baby/toddler/big girl books all of the hilarious/silly/outrageous things they say. And then it bugs me. And I tell myself I HAVE GOT to get on here more. So we'll see. No promises. No apologies. Just a hope that I'll do it.

Good? Good.

So now. On to my very first post of 2011 {holy crapola. 2011. when in the world did THAT happen?!?!}

A couple year ago I did a recap of my year and, while I thought I had done it every year, apparently it's been a long time - like, over-a-year long time. So here goes - the very best of 2010!

January...
brought new friendships and a feeling of hope for the year. Going into our 2nd year with the new company, things looked promising.

And we took the girls to Florida for the the first time. It was our first vacation as a family and, in a word, Disney World was...MAGICAL. No joke. They don't mess around. Everything is so well done and so incredibly whimsical and, well, magical. Totally deserves it's own post. Ahem...

February...
came with one determined little toddler deciding to give up diapers! Can I get a hollerrr!!! Maddie did so well and she did it when she was ready {in true Maddie fashion}. We celebrated with, what else but a Potty Party :).

March...
oh March. This was a big month for our family. After not getting accepted into the Nursing program last Fall, I got the news that I was accepted into this Fall's program. This is going to change our life. Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned I decided to go to Nursing School last year ;)

April...
aside from our everyday blessings, I can't think of a milestone. I guess it's the price I pay for not writing stuff down!

May...
in May our sweet, and tough little Maddie turned 3. She wanted a race car party. Yes, my princess wanted a RACE CAR party. But of course, this princess decided on a PINK race car party. THAT I could do. And we did. And it was super fun! Super hot out but super fun.

This was the month that our big girl danced on the big stage for the first time. Ana was the cutest elegant elephant out there {totally unbiased, I swear!}. Tears, people. Tears and tears and tears! It was beautiful :)

June...
June...June...June...no idea. Please see "April" for explanation :).

July...
well, July brought us the newest member of our family. Little Baby Eva was born on the 19th. Ana and Maddie were THRILLED to have a baby around! Little Eva made Maddie a big cousin for the first time and Ana has oh-so-affectionately dubbed her "Eva the Diva" :).

July also brought me my first 5K. Yeppers! I ran a 5K! I've wondered in the past what exactly people got out of physical challenges and I tell ya, I get it. What a sense of accomplishment I got crossing that finish line! I ran the entire race without walking once and finished it in 32 minutes. Unfortunately, that was pretty much the last time I ran but am absolutely looking forward to my next!

August...
August brought two very big changes. The first was the news that Dana was offered {and accepted} a job too many states away. I won't lie. I don't like not having her here. Even though she's been back twice already it's just different. But it's good for her. Really good, I think. And so this is how it'll be. Til August at least. Maybe longer. Hopefully not.

And I started Nursing School. And leaving the girls with a sitter for the first time {outside of family}. They love it. Dropping them off on the last day of the semester wasn't any easier for me than the first was but there are no words to express how thankful I am for the situation we were handed. Their sitter, Aimee, is one of the kindest people I've ever met. She's so incredibly warm and patient and has taken my girls in like she's known them their entire life. The girls ADORE her, her hubby, their 3 kiddies, and even their big dog, Cherry. How blessed we are that God put them into our life. Dramatic as it may sound, I honestly don't think I could keep going to school if this situation were any different. Thank God for her. Thank God for answered prayers.

September...
our very first baby turned 5. FIVE!!! When did that happen?! And she is every bit of it. Sassy and smart as can be. She keeps us on our toes, cracks us up, and turns me to mush with the love she offers so completely unconditionally. Her big 5th birthday bash was, per request, a red cowgirl party. The weather played a bunch of tricks on us but all in all she loved it!

September also brought the start of a new school year for my sweet girls - Ana's 2nd year and my big girl Maddie's first. I was a mess. But filled with pride. They walked in, hand in hand, and took another step towards independence. An unbelievable mom moment for me, for sure, and one I'll never forget.

October...
and yet another baby was born. Sweet little Dorothy Patricia was born to my sweet friend Sharon. After a worrisome pregnancy, everything was great and that little girl was born as perfect as could be.

November...
an amazing Thanksgiving full of blessings. So many times throughout the year I sit and wonder how we got so lucky - what we did to deserve the enormous blessings we've been given.

December...
amazing. Amazing. A house fuller than ever and seeping with love. A Christmas that just keeps getting better and better each year with these beautiful girls and a revolving door of parties. I loved it. Every second of it. I love that the girls love having our friends and family over. And I love that our friends and family want to be here. Blessed? Sometimes I feel like that's not even a big enough word anymore.

This year was incredible. I saw friend go through a lot of downs but fate never failed to pick them back up. I watched the girls go from being sisters to really becoming friends. I felt the sincerity of true friendship as my life adjusted to the challenges of going to school full-time. I felt our family get closer with the addition of sweet Eva. And I felt our little family of four stronger than ever.

Thank you, 2010. For everything you've given us this year and the hope you're sending us into 2011 with. So incredibly thankful. And so incredibly looking forward to what 2011 will bring.

Happy New Year!!!

xoxo,
me :)

Once more..

2010-11-23T21:43:00.005-06:00

And I'm back! Two days in a row! Why? To win somethin'! I told ya...

Yep, I can win one of these babies from here! and here and here aaaand here :)

Hmmm...

2010-11-22T19:18:00.003-06:00

What a bad blogger, I know.

BUT offer me the chance to win something and that'll sure get me on here!

Fingers crossed that this beauty become M.I.N.E!!

I could win one of these from HERE or even HERE!!!

Overwhelmed Much?

2010-09-10T09:26:00.004-05:00

Full school schedule
Full homework schedule
Girls' dance class
Girls' preschool 3 days a week
Junior Women's Club at church
Volunteer cook for Daybreak
Sunday School
My two little ladies
One husband that works too much to do much around the house
A house to clean
4 mouths to feed
Grocery shopping to do
Friends to keep in touch with
Family to visit with
A best friend to miss :(...

What in the world have I gotten myself into...

Tomorrow's another day but today...well, today I am wondering how I'll do it all.

Summer!!!

2010-07-14T06:26:00.010-05:00

Ok, so Summer is half way through. Already! Can't believe it but every. single. person. says that every. single. year.

I have to say, without a doubt, this has been one of the most fun, most eventful, best summers I can remember in a long time. Maybe it's the fact that the girls are at a great age where we can do a lot more together. Maybe it's the fact that I feel like I'm on a countdown 'til I start school full-time in August so I want to make the most of every moment I have with them without "real responsibility" or a "real schedule". Or maybe it's that they've become such cool little chicks that they have fun doing pretty much anything and are awesome to hang with. Either way, this summer has already rocked it for sure.

Already we've.....gone to camp, swam, eaten outside almost everyday, and lost track of all the parties and bbq's and get-togethers. It's been good people. Goooood.

At the first sign of warm weather, as I do every year, I made a list of the things I wanted to do with them, and everyone else, this summer. But, unlike most years, this year we're doing something different and actually crossing stuff off the list! Hollerrrrr! And so I totally meant to write that list down months ago just to keep us on track but, um, I totally didn't so I will now. Aaaand, just to make me happy, I'll even cross off the stuff we've done! Here goes...

SUMMER 2010 LIST O' FUN

go to a baseball game
have a picnic
~~throw a 4th of July bash~~
~~throw a baby shower for our sweet little niece-to-be~~
go to Navy Pier
go to Millenium Park
hit the Sears Willis Tower
~~eat outside. A LOT.~~
~~have friends over~~
go to the water pads
teach Ana how to read
~~buy a bigger pool and swim in it. A LOT.~~
~~go to the Bolingbrook Promenade. Eat outside. Go to the hippos.~~
~~go to the zoo~~
get to the Arboretum
~~see Toy Story 3~~
have a camping day
~~go to the beach~~
head up to Lake Geneva for the day
hit the Dells
maybe St Louis?
~~make smoothies~~
make popsicles
make ice cream
do a movie in the park
~~catch fireflies~~
~~go to Starved Rock~~
~~go wine tasting~~
make outdoor paint
~~go to camp~~
movie night
game night
~~blow bubbles~~
shopping date at an outdoor mall
have a swim party
make lemonade
~~take swim lessons~~
~~eat snow cones~~
slumber party with cousins? (Haven't tried this quite yet so I'm not sure if they're ready)
Chicago overnight with the girls (my big girls!)
Plainfield pub crawl (again, with my big girls!)
Lake Geneva overnight with the hubsy

It's long, right!? My list?? But I'm determined to make this the best summer yet! And so far it has been. But there's still a lot left on that list!

I love it. I love summer. I love that I have these two little girls to spend it with. I love that I have such great friends to spend it with. I love it all.

So here's to the rest of the summer being even better than the first half!!!

Dream

2010-07-13T06:15:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night.

It woke me up [literally] smiling.

Not sure that's ever happened before.

This was the face in my dream.

It's gonna be a good day :).

Happy 8 Year Anniversary, Babe!

2010-07-06T19:59:00.002-05:00

I love you.

Perfection

2010-06-27T19:44:00.004-05:00

It's so easy to get wrapped up in the "wrong" and the "if onlys".

I don't think I do very often but surely it happens.

Funny though how much easier it is to look at all the rest, all of the "right".

A husband that has adored me, a home we have created, a spunky 3 year old and an ahead of her years 4 year old. A husband that thanks me for the life I've given him. A 3 year old that dances around singing "I LOVE being a princess" and a 4 year old that has said to me that she's the happiest girl ever.

A sink full of dirty dishes that tell me we have eaten. A messy playroom that tells the stories of two brown-eyed little girls. A car that's beginning to rust from all the trips it's taken. And a face that's beginning to wrinkle so deeply around the mouth from all of the smiles it has shown.

It's perfection.

My perfection.

And I don't ever want to look away.

Maybe

2010-06-14T22:10:00.003-05:00

Oh boy....I swear I think of writing here *almost* every. single. day.

There's so much; so much new with the girls, the house, the life.

And I thinking about maybe changing things up a bit.

I don't know.

I'd like to promise I'll be back soon but that surely secures my failure.

So maybe I'll be back. Maybe not.

And maybe in the time it took me to write this I could've written and actual post.

Maybe.

Blue

2010-01-07T18:35:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty sure I have the post-Holiday blues :(. Is there such a thing? If there isn't, I've just invented it. I have so much to write about - resolutions, 2009, my baby turning 4, going to Disney World for the first time with the girls! - but I have no motivation.

I will though. I'll shake this thing. I've gotta.

Really?!

2009-12-29T15:55:00.002-06:00

Oh my word. It's really been this long since I was here?! I feel a New Year's resolution coming oooonnnnn!

Thankful

2009-11-13T17:43:00.008-06:00

Today I am thankful for the big, squishy, attitude-y, stinkerella, funny, loveable, huggable character that is our Maddie.

She's that little bit of spice that every life needs.

She's that whole lot of attitude that keeps us in check.

And she's the lovebug that can lift up our hearts without warning.

Not in a million years could I have ordered up a little girl so perfectly cut out for our little family.

I promise you I thank God for her every single day.

Thankful

2009-11-12T07:49:00.003-06:00

Oh. My. GOD. Almost 2 months since my last post!? Really?!?!? Wow. How did THAT happen? Hmmmmm....

Oh well.

I saw this little thang on Facebook that people are doing where they share something they're thankful for every day in November. I like it. I think I do it privately every day but I like the idea of writing it down and sharing it. Yes, November's almost halfway through but who cares. Maybe later I'll go back and do the days I've missed. But for today, I am grateful...

That I have friends that miss me when I'm not around. I think it's a gift.

Ana's Big Day, cont...

2009-09-16T08:19:00.001-05:00

Ana's 1st Day of Pre-School!

2009-09-15T22:25:00.002-05:00

Our super big baby girl, so happy to finally go to school...

Yep, I let her get a character backpack. And so the relinquishing of control begins...

My baby girls...

Settling in all on her own...

And of course we can't forget the eco-chic snack bag :)...

She did amazingly well. Went right in like the independent little one that she is. Me? I lost it. Not until 5 minutes after Maddie and I left but I did. It wasn't pretty, people. I did the ugly cry. The noonecanunderstandmewhileI'mblubbering cry. Not my proudest moment but hey, I earned it.

There was a bonafide photo shoot happenin' here before we left so more pictures to come!

Tough

2009-08-19T21:05:00.002-05:00

Being a mom is tough.

Being surrounded by fits and "no"s and "she hit me"s and "mine"s is tough.

Being mistaken for a jungle gym and getting a finger in the eye or a foot to the cheek almost daily is tough.

Having to keep your cool when your two little wonders decide that doing the exact opposite of what you tell them would be hilarious is tough.

And hearing your two-year-old tell you to leave her alone for the first time is really, really tough.

And then your 3-year-old writes her name all by herself for the first time.

And your 2-year-old goes on the potty for the first time.

And you get to lay in bed with your two little girls reading story after story while they hold hands and the 3-year-old rubs your head and whispers "I'm the happiest girl in the world, Mommy."

Then it becomes a whole lot of easy and you wonder what you were ever complaining about.

DIY Day - Our Kitchen Island!

2009-08-05T22:35:00.005-05:00

I've been busy! I know I keep promising updates but really, I really have been busy making this house of our a home we're beginning to totally *heart*. It's comin', it's comin'!

BUT for now...here's a DIY for DIY Day at A Soft Place to Land!

Before...

After...

I painted it red, added a butcher block top, some corbels (I think that's what those are called, right??), a hook for a towel, and some beadboard to go with the "new" cabinets.

I bought the island from World Market for $120 because it was the last one (and the display). I bought the butcher block top from Ikea for $89. The paint was $8, and the corbels were $3 a piece. The beadboard was left over from the kitchen reno so the total for my new island.........$223. A little pricey for my frugal tastes but it's the PERFECT size for our kitchen and will serve it's purpose of housing some little cookie-bakin' hands well :).

Chit Chattin' with Ana

2009-08-05T22:31:00.003-05:00

As I'm putting her to bed tonight Ana puts her sweet little hands on my face...

Ana: Oh Mommy, you're such a sweet girl to me. I think I'll keep you.

Heart. Melting. And then it continues...

Ana: Mommy, should we keep Daddy too?

Mama: I think so.

Ana: And Maddie? I think we'll keep her too.

Mama: Ok, baby.

Ana: Mommy, are you going to keep me?

Mama: I'm going to keep you forever.

I LOVE this kid.

Chit Chattin' with Ana

2009-08-05T22:27:00.002-05:00

RIGHT after having a snack...

Ana: Mommy, can I have a snack?

Mama: No. You just had one.

Ana: But I'm hungry. Can I please have another one?

Mama: No.

Ana: Whyyyyyyyyyy?????

Mama: Because you can't just keep eating snacks all day long.

Ana: Why can't I eat snacks all day long?

Mama: Because if you eat constantly you'll get chubby.

Ana: But Mommy, I want to be chubby, just like you.

Oh. Boy.

Details, Details, Details!

2009-07-23T07:56:00.005-05:00

Oh my gosh! You guys like it! You really, really LIKE it!!! Ok, I'm not usually an all "bring on the compliments and keep 'em coming" kinda girl. But I worked so hard on this kitchen that I have to admit reading you comments has me giddy.

Ok, enough about me :). On to the details! I know there are a lot of tutorials out there on painting cabinets (where do you think I learned!?) so I won't go into that...unless you want me to, then totally!

To be honest, I used to H.A.T.E. white kitchens. Seriously. Whenever I saw white cabinets I would wonder if the people didn't have a choice. Then I took up reading decorating blogs and was bombarded (you know what I'm talking about!) with images of white kitchens and I FELL IN LOVE. So every morning I'd come down stairs and cringe at my dark cabinets, cursing them for being so blah. I know it wasn't their fault. After all, I PICKED them just 2.5 short years ago. But it was time for change. So after a month of trying to convince the Mr. and showing him ENDLESS pictures of gorgeous white kitchens he finally gave the green light.

First thing on the agenda, choose a paint color. I didn't want bright white so I went with Bear's Powdered Snow. Now that it's done I honestly think I could've stood to go even a little creamier but I'm happy.

Then came the little details because it's ALL about the details.

I put beadboard on the sides on the cabinets to make them look more finished.

I thought it would add some architechtural intrest to add height to one of the cabinets. The one over the microwave seemed to make the most sense. And I was right. This is one of my favorite parts! No more straight line. It looks grander, if just a little, don't ya think?

Then we added the crown...

My $25 Kohler sink and $100 super fabulous faucet...

My totally redone island (details of which I'm saving for a DIY partay!)...

Then there was the little detail of cutting out two of the door panels and replacing them with glass. This did force me to paint the inside of the cabinets which was kind of a drag but I threw some beadboard in there and whalla!

And mayhaps my very favorite detail...the little "feet" on the bottom of each cabinet. I painted the toe kicks a dark color to kinda "hide" them. I luuurve this!!! I don't know how I ever lived without these before. I feel like these little "feet" take the cabinets from "eh" to totally charming.

Thanks so much again for stopping by and leaving me those super awesome comments!!! They're totally encouraging and mean a TON.

Next up, pics and details from my "brand new" living room!

xoxo

I Heart My Kitchen (NOW!)

2009-07-21T15:29:00.008-05:00

*Edited to include the Metamorphosis Monday button!

Ok, so I know I owe this little 'ol blog quite a few updates. And they're coming. Soon. But I HAVE to jump this one straight to the top of that list.

About two months ago, I found this girl. She's awesome. I'm a little embarrassed to say I have a total blog crush. The day I found her blog I literally spent HOURS looking through the entire thing. I mean, clearly she has great taste. But it wasn't even just that that had me. It's the ridiculous fact that she does all of this stuff herself. Her. SELF! That night my brain started twirling with idea after idea for this little house of ours. All of the things I had always loved but thought I could never afford suddenly became possible.

So I did it. I headed out and bought myself a miterbox and saw. Uh, helllllo, I had never even used a saw before. Ever. And what I did with it ended up being a living room I never thought I'd have. And yes, that would be the perfect opening for a post full of pictures of said living room. BUT after finishing said living room, I apparently earned some street cred from the man of the house and wouldn't ya know it he agreed to let me move on to the kitchen and paint our cabinets! Holler! I jumped right on that and, after psyching myself out a few times, with bated breath, I took the plunge.

And here's what happened:

Before...

and After...

Details to come!!!

Bad Blogger

2009-07-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

I am. But I'm coming back. Sooooonnnn......

Updates, Updates, Hooray!!

2009-06-30T07:11:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I'm not really updating JUST yet but this is the prelude to the updates ;).

'Member my Shred? I never finished. I know. I'm a loser. I got so close and gave up. Well, not so much gave up but more quit. Whatever. What really matters though it that I hit my goal! Yahoooo! More on this later (today...this week...just later).

'Member my chair? That little chair has led to some very BIG changes around this little ol' shack of ours. Cannot WAIT to blog about it!!! Complete with pictures. My whole decorating life has taken a total turn for the better in the last month thanks to some totally amazing chicks I found here on the ol' blogosphere. More on this later too!

And 'member my list??? Well, this little procrastinator-raider has been bizzzz-eeeee! Just WAIT 'til you hear how much I've gotten done. I'd love to say the list has gotten shorter but with each item/project I mark off another one seems to pop up in it's place! I'm out of control. No, really. I'm lacking total control in protecting myself (and my hubby) from the insane amount of ideas running around the noggin.

Soooo, this is all I have time for right now. Ballet class, a run to Home Depot, and a birthday party await us! But don't fret. I WILL be back!!!!

Ana Ballerina

2009-06-23T23:39:00.006-05:00

I have been waiting for as long as I can remember for the day that I would put a tutu on my little girl and take her to a dance class. Honestly, I've been waiting forever.

So when I got a phone call last Monday letting me know that Ana had been moved from the waiting list for a ballet class to being in the class I was in Heeeaaaavennnnnn! I ran out for a leotard and the stinkin' cutest size 6 ballet slippers I'd ever seen.

I made my way home with outfit in tow and daydreamt of my little Ana and the pirouettes she was sure to master on her very first day. The moment she saw them she immediately put them on. And wore them the rest of the night. And slept in them. I loved it.

In the morning I was met by a very eager 3 year old with slippers in hand asking if it was time for her ballet class yet. AWE-SOME! But wait. Too good to be true, right? Yeah, totally what I thought. So I managed to brace myself for her to completely loathe ballet and never want to put a tutu on again.

Uh, WRONG! She LOVED IT!!!! She was smitten immediately and jumped right in and listened to the teacher's instructions and didn't look for me once and made friends and spoke up and made me cry. Yes, sir. I was the mom I always knew I would be. Cried through the entire 30 minutes. It's not like I was a blubbering mess or anything. I managed to hold it together enough to not get myself kicked out but still, these eyes were-a-cryin'. I cried cuz she seemed so grown up. I cried because she was so independent. And I cried because I saw how happy it made her.

I'm totally aware that this could be short lived, much like her soccer career, but whether it lasts for 2 weeks or 30 years I will cherish every second of it.

I've been waiting for this.

Chit Chattin' with Maddie

2009-06-19T23:55:00.001-05:00

As I sang and sang and sang...

Maddie: "Nuff, Mommy! Enough!"

:(

A Perfect Day

2009-06-15T01:08:00.002-05:00

All four of us together.

Shopping outside.

Having lunch outside.

Holding hands.

Listening to the girls talk to each other.

Laughing while listening to them crack each other up.

Watching the sheer joy in the girls' face as they splashed in the water.

For the first time in years talking about our dreams for the future.

It was a perfect day.

Chit Chattin' with Ana...and Maddie

2009-06-12T08:13:00.003-05:00

Waiting for the girls to clean up their toys so we can go for a walk...

Mama: "Girls, clean up your toys now or we're not going for a walk. I mean it!"

Ana: "OK, Moooom. You just go get the stroller ready and we'll clean this up. OK? OKKK????

How old is this kid anyway???

After asking Maddie to bring me something she (finally) brings it...

Mama: "Thank you, baby."

Maddie: "Noooooo problem!"

hehehehehehehehe....

Change

2009-06-10T06:48:00.005-05:00

I can give you a list about a mile long of things I can't stand about being in my 30's. No really, I have an actual running list: crows feet, flabby (fill in the blank), an insatiable need for sleep. It goes on and on. But do you know what I love about being in my 30's? Oh so much more than I could've imagined.

I love how much life has been teaching me about myself. I love that I can say I'm becoming the person I want to be. The path seems clearer than ever before and I love that. I'm feeling a calm and confidence about doing what I want to do, what I think is best for me and my family, and it feels good....well, most of the time.

Most of the time I feel this way.

Lately? Notsomuch.

I sit here and I want to cry as I type. I want to cry because I've spent so much of my time lately being so sad. And frustrated. And stressed over the unnecessary. I hate that I've once again let my life steer off course, surrounding myself with negativity and anxiety. Allowing other people to determine how I feel. Feeling more of an obligation to them than to myself. And it needs to stop.

So I'm makin' some changes.

I feel like I grew up this insecure, try-to-make-everyone-else-happy-first, don't-really-deserve-the-best girl. Don't get me wrong, my bag spills over with selfish moments. I've done more stupid things than there is time but overall it's always been about everyone else. It's always been about how I let everyone else make me feel. I recognized years ago the causes for so many of my actions and that helped me. It helped me better understand myself and lead me in the right direction to becoming the person I want to be. I guess that's normal though. It's normal not to really know who you are when you're younger and make a million stupid mistakes, right? Isn't that what growing up is about?

I guess.

I've always said that out of rough childhoods emerge two types of people: those that choose to continue on the same path, reasoning it's "all they've ever known", and those that, somewhere along the way, determine to change their course. I'm proud to say I'm the latter. I don't know when exactly it happened but a long time ago I decided my life was going to be different. I decided I didn't want to feel lonely, insecure, and unworthy anymore. It's been tough, and I've had setbacks, but I'm a million miles from where I came and that makes me proud. I've finally come to understand that this is not a road that will ever end but instead a journey that will take me through this life of mine. And these setbacks? Well, they're all par for the course, you see. But I'm learning that they don't have to define my life. That they won't define my life.

I want to let go of the anxiety I feel when I think someone's upset with me. I want to abandon the need to be the one that brushes things under the rug for the sake of keeping things comfortable. I want to fill my life with it's small miracles and I want to taste every moment it brings. My sweet girls deserve this. They deserve a mom that teaches them to live this very way.

So I'm done with the unnecessary. I'm done thinking that how other people act toward/around me is always a reflection on me. I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect friend, the perfect sister, the perfect niece, or the perfect daughter. I don't send thank you cards when I should or always remember what's going on in someone else's life every moment. I can't always make time to do everything someone else wants me to do or grin and bear things that bother me. But I do my best and I always, always mean well.

I've been blessed with a handful of people that think that's more than enough and these are the people that deserve me, that deserve my time. So I'll spend my time with them because they make my life better not harder. I'll spend my time doing things I love to do, like writing and working on our house and making snow cones, and things that will make my girls' life fuller, like exploring new places and running around outside and eating those snow cones. I'm getting there. I'm on my way. And for the first time in these 32 years of mine I'm seeing my life for what it is, what it should have been all along.

Mine.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Miss Maddie

2009-06-08T22:06:00.005-05:00

Oh my sweet girl.

You're two now and I don't even know where to start. In three words, you are, LARGER THAN LIFE. Everything about you is larger than life - your temper, your personality, your sense of humor, your love of everything. You throw the biggest fit over the tiniest things and you get the most excited over the simplest joys. I love that about you so. much.

I know you're mine, and this may sound biased, but I think you're the funniest 2-year-old I've ever known. You have a character that blows our minds every single day. You're mean to your sister but she's the first one you ask for every morning. You absolutely refuse to hold Mommy's hand when you walk but I can't get through making dinner without you tugging at my legs begging to be held. You love Daddy like nothing I've ever seen and scream in delight at the sight of him at the end of each day.

You're two and know exactly what you want. You push my buttons like no other 30-lb chunk of love ever has and you swell my heart even more. I love you, sweet girl. I love you like you'll never know...well, until you have a perfect little girl of your own. It's been a wild, crazy, and full two years. Thank you, baby, for choosing me to be your mom. Thank you for letting me hold your hand (figuratively of course :)) through these past two years. You're a gift to me and to our little family, Petunia, and I could never imagine our life without you.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Madelyn Grace. I love you.

xoxo,
Mama

I'm still alive...

2009-05-17T23:41:00.001-05:00

Ugh. Back to my bad blogging ways.

I'll be back with tons of updates! Shredding and a LOT going on around this old house!

Days 17, 18, 19,20, 21, 22, and 23

2009-04-30T07:50:00.003-05:00

Bad news...

Days 17 & 18 done, easily and with tons of energy. Then the weekend came. Bad news.

Went out Friday night for a birthday celebration that ended up being way too fun - like, getting-home-at-3am fun. Combine that with being woken up at 7am on Saturday morning by the loves of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything not even a little extra sleep (I swear I'm being sincere) and I was left with absolutely no motivation or energy to Shred. Enter Saturday night and another get-together at Dana's that brought us home way too late. Still not recovered from Friday, I was pretty much dead to the world. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I decided to take on a pretty big re-decorating project on Sunday too, you know, with all that extra energy.

So no Shredding alllllll weekend. I'm ashamed. I thought I'd hit my second wind but truth be told, I'M BORED!!!!!!!!! I know, I'm a loser. It's only 30 days - the same amount of days that flies by when I'm not working out. The same amount of days that flies by when I'm suckin' up that pizza and ice cream.

Days 21 through 23 have been done though - barely. So I don't know if anyone's reading this or anything but I NEED MOTIVATION! Even if you can't give it to me do ya think you can tell me where I can find it????

Preschool

2009-04-28T22:54:00.001-05:00

I registered Ana for preschool today.

And I can't really write any more about it cuz, at least right now, it's purty tough to swallow.

Chit Chattin' with Maddie

2009-04-28T22:52:00.002-05:00

I sat Maddie in her carseat and as I was going to put Ana in hers I sat her on Maddie's lap for a second (you know, cuz I'm soooo funny)...

Maddie: "Move it, Ana! Move it!!!"

Yep, sounds about right. All Maddie.

Chit Chattin' with Ana

2009-04-28T22:47:00.003-05:00

I'm in the living room listening to Ana and Maddie playing together in the family room and then Ana walks in...

Ana: "Mommy....I'm just so frustrated."
Mama: "You're frustrated? Why?"
Ana: "Becaauuuuse, Maddie NEVER shares! EVER!!!"

Well, at least she's good at expressing her feelings :).

Days 15 and 16

2009-04-22T21:07:00.003-05:00

Oh my!!! The monumental half-way point and I didn't even write about it. Oh well! Moving on....

Yes, sireeee (or ma'ameeee) I finished my 15th day yesterday. Oh helllllzzzz yeah I did! 15 days STRAIGHT mah homeys (not really sure why I'm all gangsta now but I'm kinda feelin' it). Tried Level 3. Holy toughness. Again, pretty though, but not any tougher than Day 1 at Level 1 so I'm confident I'll be kickin' Level 3's butt by Day 30.

And today. Ahhh, today. Today, also monumental (is monumental too strong a word? mayhaps?), marked the beginning of the 2nd half, the LAST half, of my 30 Day Shred-a-thon. I've decided to switch it up every day and do a different level. Today I did Level 1 again and ROCK IT. Seriously. No joke. I smoked Jillian. No breaks at. all. It was still tough but I did it and it felt oh so good.

I don't know what's going on but I'm feeling pretty re-energized right now. And it feels goooood. I'm going on 5 hours of sleep (a HUGE deprivation for atleast8hoursanight me) and being pretty irritated by someone earlier and I feel grrrrreat! I think I'm back. I was worried for a minute but this is good. I see the end. It's you and me, Ania! It's you and me :).

Days 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

2009-04-20T21:28:00.002-05:00

Duh-uh-uh-uh-uhne!!!!

Ok, so I haven't been on here in days and I gotta say it's getting tough. Not the work out, that's been tough all along. The monotony of it. The same thing every. single. day. Given I can often have the attention span of a small peanut, this is proving to be the toughest part. So tomorrow I'll move onto Level 3. Not because I'm just that awesome but because if I don't mix it up I just may fail.

'Til tomorrow!

Day 9

2009-04-15T22:57:00.001-05:00

I just finished my 9th straight day of the Shred. I'm really tired. It's almost 11pm. We had some friends over tonight so I had some drinks. I need to study for a big test I have on Friday. I want to sleep.

But I did do it. Exhale.

Chit Chattin' with Maddie: the Debut

2009-04-14T22:43:00.003-05:00

Is it really happening? Can I really start publishing "Chit Chattin' with Maddie" posts???? It can't be. My baby can't be getting this big!

Oh but she is. And this is her first...sigh (you know, a sad but proud and happy but reluctant-to-let-go kind of sigh).

While trying to draw on the wall with an unsharpened pencil...

Mama: "Maddie, what are you doing?"

Maddie: "Na-ting, Mama. Na-ting."

Mama: "We only color on paper, remember?"

Maddie: "No, Mama, no 'member."

Oh boy.

Days 7 & 8

2009-04-14T22:23:00.004-05:00

Day 7 - done! BUT...I gotta tell ya I'm getting a little bored. I know it's only 22 minutes start to finish so it's over before I know it but it's me, the girl with an attention span the size of a peanut. It's time to move on...

So ah diiiiid!

Day 8 done! AND I moved right on up to Level 2! OhyesIdid!!!! And I survived to write about it. And it really wasn't much tougher than Level 1 was on that very first day. And I'm kinda hoping I'm sore in the morning cuz I kinda miss that feeling. And I think this Ab workout is going to be waaaay more effective. And I feel shockingly stronger already. And I totally did the pushups on. my. TOES! And I'm kinda sorta pretty proud of myself for actually doing this and sticking to it.

8 days down. 22 days to go.

Yeah, I'm cool ;P.

Chit Chattin' with Ana: Easter Edition

2009-04-12T22:19:00.002-05:00

After coming home from MiNell's thinking Easter was over and finding another surprise from the Easter Bunny on her bed...

Ana: "Oh, Mommy!!! The Easter Bunny came again! He came again! And he brought me another surprise!!! Let's go look in your bed, Maddie! Let's gooooooo!!!!"

So she runs, baby sister in hand, to find Maddie's Dora surprise in her room.

Ana: "Mommy, I'm really REALLY happy. Thank you so much for everything. I'm just SO happy."

I. love. her.

Days 5 & 6

2009-04-12T22:16:00.002-05:00

Days 5 & 6 DONE! Yep, in the middle of working and shopping and Easter I actually did it. This is huge for me.

Not sore but it's still tough. I can TOTALLY see Level 2 in my future. I WILL rock this. I WILL. I WILL!

Day 4

2009-04-10T16:39:00.004-05:00

I'm so excited! My 30 Day Shredders Movement recruited a whole 3 members! PLUS me!!! Woot woot! Hey, that's plenty if you ask me :).

So I'm wracking my brain looking for a good way to measure our (imminent) successes at the end of the 30 days. One girl won't reveal her weight, one won't take pictures, and one wants to share even the unnecessary (you know who you are!) :). Soooo, how's this? We set our personal goals and document them for, well, documentation's sake. So here's my goal:

To lose 5 lbs, AT LEAST 2 inches from my belly and thighs, and to tighten up my baby belly. Not sure how realistic the 2 inches is cuz I have no clue about all that but it sounds good so why not!

Now back to my regularly scheduled shredding...

Day 4 done!!!

Awesome. I'm feeling A.W.E.S.O.M.E. Like I-wanna-take-an-after-picture-already awesome. BUT, of course I know it'll look exactly the same so I won't.

I wasn't sore almost at all today so somehow that tricked my mind into thinking the workout would be easier. Uh, nuh-uh. Still tough, my friends. Still tough. But I can feel myself getting stronger. And I can actually see myself maybe even moving up to Level 2. Oh yeah, I said it. I didn't say when. I didn't say it wouldn't be until Day 28. I just said I can see it happening.

This is encouraging, ladies!!! The worst will be behind us SOOOOOONNNNN!!!!

Now get to writin' your goals! Can't wait to read 'em!

Day 3

2009-04-09T15:00:00.008-05:00

Day 3 DONE!!!

And unlike the last 2 days, those exclamation points are not put there to emphasize the horrific pain. Dare I say I ACTUALLY THINK I MAY PERHAPS SLIGHTLY FEEL STRONGER?!?!?! Ooooh yeah. Watch yourself Jillian, I'm comin' out!

Aaaand, turns out I'm not alone. Seems a little trend has been started and 2 friends have already started with one (hopefully!) starting as I type. So I'm linking to this post of my Facebook in hopes of recruiting more. 30 Day Shredders UNITE!!! It's 30 days and, like Ania says, it's only 20 minutes. Sounds doable but with the help of some determined friends to keep my rear in check I now KNOW I will do it!

So won't you join us? Come on, Kristie! Only $14.98 at Target! So if we can make this a 30 Day team effort I think we should posts some stats! Starting weights maybe? "Before" pictures? Daily updates? Whatever! But I'm not posting jack until someone says they'll do it with me. If you wanna, just put it in the comments!

Ok! Let's do it to it, people!!!

Wow. I've never tried to start a movement before. Kinda liberating :).

Day 2

2009-04-08T23:07:00.004-05:00

Day 2 down! 28 to go!

Ok, so I woke up this morning and was pleasantly surprised at the ease I felt in peeling myself from my bed. I felt it but I was ok, I was gooood. The girls got up a little bit earlier than usual so we ate breakfast and decided to get to shreddin'.

Though I'd ususally wait until the girls are asleep to work out I figured I'd try it with them there because I was THAT excited to go on to Day 2 (seriously). (I'm going to go ahead and gush for a sec about how stinkin' cute and caring these girls of mine were, k? K.) As I huffed and puffed, sweated and cursed, Ana and Maddie were by my side with their "matter, Mama?" and "it's ok, Mommy, I'm going to take care of you" as I winced in pain and practically cried out for my own mommy. Ana even rubbed my leg during the lat rows. Yeah I realize this may have traumatized these poor girls but hey, Jillian shows no mercy for anyone! And considering I really could've used that encouragement right then I just let them be.

Within minutes of finishing the workout I was in massive out-of-shape-fat-girl pain. And now, 14 hours later, still in massive out-of-shape-fat-girl pain. To be fair, I'm not in constant pain. Like right now. As I lay here perfectly still. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. So long as I don't move or cough or breathe too deeply I feel nothing at all.

So, Day 2 down. On to tomorrow!

My Super Good Deal

2009-04-08T08:33:00.002-05:00

I *heart* this chair. I heart it. I do. The style of it, the accents, the way it only cost me like 20 bucks. Seriously. Maybe not exactly 20 but it didn't cost me much more than that at all. I KNOW!

My List

2009-04-08T08:11:00.004-05:00

I know, 3 posts in less than 12 hours. CA-RAZY!

Anyway, I've got it. After over a year of falling into a rut and not having the resources or creativity to do anything about it, it's back. The decorating itch. And it needs some scratchin'.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed with ideas! Ideas for the girls' rooms, ideas for the kitchen, even ideas for the garage. I know! So the creativity's back. But the resources? Notsomuch. So I've decided to make a list. A list of the stuff I want to do to make our house feel more like a home because, quite frankly, it's about darn time the way it looks matched the way it feels. So here it is (not the complete list but more than enough to get me started):

Kitchen

Build an island. I want it to have a wood top and decorative legs. Pretty simple, eh? But I can't find one. Actually, I can't find one the perfect size for the perfect price, like, almost free :).
Remove my wall decal. Love the words, can't stand the thing behind it. Not sure what I was thinking.
Get new countertops. One of the pricier to-dos so hopefully I can find a mama-worthy deal (fingers crossed!).
Get wood blinds for the door.
Add a wreath to the back door.
Fix the screen doorknob (ahem, if only my dear husband read this).
Get a new sink and faucet.

Living/Dining Room

(Maybe) add wainscoting to the walls. Haven't decided yet.
Get new, more formal dining chairs to go better with my new favorite chair but ONLY if I can manage to sell mine.
Get place settings for the dining table.
Make a plates display on the dining area wall.
Restain my supercute new chair.
Get coffee and side tables (or something that will serve their purpose).
Get a "dresser" that will serve as a mini buffet.

Family Room

Paint the fireplace wall.
Redo vamp the fireplace and paint/stain it.
Change our blinds and add curtains.
Put up shelves.
Patch up holes.
Freshen up pictures

Ok, I think I should stop here for now. I need a starting point and I think this is plenty. Now I just need to get started! Hmmmm....but where????

Day 1

2009-04-07T22:34:00.003-05:00

About a week or so ago I learned of a Jillian Michaels DVD that promises to reshape and "shred" your body in just 30 days. For only 20 minutes. Results in a month? Only 20 minutes of work? Sold!

Uuuuhhhhh...that's 30 days STRAIGHT. And that's 20 minutes of CONSTANT MOVEMENT. With JILLIAN MICHAELS. H O L Y. C R A P.

I ain't gonna lie. If, at this point, you're wondering how it went given my subtlety, here's a hint. I thought I might actually die. Literally. I had visions of Anthony coming home to find me in a workout coma. My legs were shaking, people. My arms felt like they might fall off if I kept going. I get it, I'm out of shape but sweet Jesus! it's not like I sit on the couch and eat garlic texas toast with cheese on it (uh, yum!) all day long. I AM mobile!

Aaaanyhoo, the positive is that I DID IT! And I'M DOING IT FOR THE 30 DAYS! Oh, that's right. I'm in this to win this! I took my measurements and (get this!) pictures. Hooo yeah. And heeeeck no, they're not getting put on here...unless I really do get totally hot and shredded in 30 days. Then I might just post them just so I can throw some garlic bread (what's my deal??) at them while I point and laugh!

Ok, point is/was.....day 1, DONE!

32

2009-04-07T21:40:00.004-05:00

32 and a few weeks old.

OLD.

This last year has made me feel old. I've learned more in the last year than ever in my (adult) life - more about myself, more about people around me, more about life itself.

I became Mama to two toddlers.

I became a business owner.

I became a new friend, and then lost those same friends.

I became consumed with my own life and fell short to the most honest and true friends I'll ever have.

I became uncertain of so much and spent a great deal of time worrying about the future.

I let the darkness of that worry chip away at my marriage.

I started to become someone I never wanted to be.

I learned what it felt like to do without.

I still found happiness in every single day through the eyes, the smiles, the hugs of my girls.

I took back what was rightfully mine, became a true business owner, and saw our potential for the very first time.

I slowly but surely got rid of the unnecessary, the poisonous, and became that much less naive.

I realized how lucky I am to have been chosen by my friends and the blessing it is to have that kind of security.

I learned that it's in my control to be the person I want to be which is so much better than the one I had been.

I learned just how much a mother will do for her daughter.

I learned that no matter what we go through, no matter what's said, and no matter how dark it gets, he's the one - he will always be the one and I thank God for him.

I'm another year older for sure. But for all that's happened I'm stronger...I'm more knowing...and I'm going to be just fine.

Welcome 32.

Chit Chattin' with Ana

2009-03-25T06:08:00.002-06:00

Looking up at the sky...

Ana: I wish I could bring the sky down so I can touch it.

Nana: You will touch the sky one day, baby. I promise.

I *heart* 3-year-olds...well, my 3-year-old.

Our Dancing Queen

2009-03-09T08:21:00.002-06:00

Chit Chattin' with Ana

2009-02-23T21:28:00.002-06:00

After getting home from a Valentine's party and Ana was taking off her coat and shoes...

Ana: "That sure was fun."
Mama: "What, honey?"
Ana: "That sure was a lot of fun we had today at that party, Mommy."

One morning as we're talking about Daddy and I asked her if she wanted me to call him...

Ana: "No. Not right now."
Mama: "Are you sure?"
Ana: "Yeah, let's not bother him right now. He's pretty nervous so I'll just wait until later to talk to him."

Three, my friends. She's THREE.

Oh Maddie...

2009-02-23T21:15:00.003-06:00

You're counting to 7 unassisted, 11 with help. You count to 4 in Spanish, 9 with help. You know your colors and most of your shapes. And you talk, talk, talk. Some of our favorites are:

"Help me, Mama!" when you want up, down, out, in, whatever.
"Bless you, Mama."
"Here!" when you hand things to us.
"Doing, Dada?" when you want to know what he's doing.
"Matter, Mama?" if you think I'm upset.
"Here I am!" when I call you.
"Wait!!!!" of "Para!!!" if I walk away.
"Miiiissed you!"
"I yuv you" - all. the. time.
"Morning, Mama."
"Coming, Ana!" when you're in your crib and you hear Ana.

I love you more every single day.

Happy 18 months (plus 2)

2009-02-05T20:49:00.006-06:00

Madelyn Grace,

This is your 18 month letter.

You're 20 months and 8 days old today.

This has seemed to be the theme of our entire life together.

One day you're 18 months old and the next it's 2 months later. One day I'm holding you for the very first time and the next your running up to me screaming "I yuv you!" You're moving and growing at the speed of light and I'm trying as hard as I can to hold on and enjoy the ride because let me tell you, little girl, what a ride it has already been.

You are so much in one tiny, chubby-faced little package - so much attitude, so much character, so much sweetness.

You play hard - very hard. You throw your weight around like nobody's business and continuously remind everyone who's boss. You take things from your sister. Actually, you often don't even want something until Ana has it. You're stronger than you know and Mommy, Daddy, and Ana are usually the ones to pay the price for that. You love it when Daddy tackles you and see his time on the floor as an opportunity to tackle him back, usually when he's not expecting it. You don't do well with being told no and will instantly drop your head, stick out those lips, and burrow your little brows. You love to say no and will repeatedly say "down!" while someone holds you until they oblige. In fact, Auntie Dana still thinks that's the only word you can say. HA!

It's true that you are a force to be reckoned with, my girl, but even as hard as you play, you love even harder. You're like a walking lovebug. You can't see me kiss Ana without puckering up for your own. You wake up yelling for your sister and start your day with a big hug for her each morning. You love it when I kiss your hands, your feet, your cheeks, your lips. You spontaneously burst into fits of hugs and kisses throughout each day. You say please, thank you, welcome, and bless you without being asked. You love to be surrounded by everyone you love, you always have. When Daddy walks into the garage it's "where Daddy?". When I go into the other room I return the the sweetest "Mommyyyyyyy!!!!!" in the world. I often wonder how that enoromous heart fits in your little 31 inch body.

You count to 3. You LOVE to dance. You've got moves we've never seen on a 1-year-old. You love music. You think you're hilarious. You know the first 2 parts of a knock-knock joke and are working on the punchline. You don't sit down for a full book but love to bring them to us to start them. You understand EVERYTHING. You try to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle" and get a lot of the words right. You love your sister and think she's the funniest person in your life. You call your bear your "baby". You need your "sock on" first thing in the morning. You'll eat pretty much anything. You are so cuddly. You go nonstop. You have crazy hair that can look perfect one day and untamable the next. You're belly needs to wear a 2T but your little legs still need 18 months. You've scared me to no end. I lost track of the words you can say months ago. You use 3-word, and now 4-word sentences. You are dramatic. You are our sunshine.

You are amazing.

And you have filled up my life.

Happy 18 months (plus 2), sweet girl. Mama loves you.

XOXO

You at 18 months.

You now with your sister and your crazy hair :).

So big

2009-01-29T22:30:00.001-06:00

"Let me down, NOW!!!" - Maddie's first four word sentence. And totally Maddie-worthy, if I may say so myself :).

Payback

2009-01-19T19:45:00.006-06:00

Today at lunch my mom took yet another three opportunities to point out YET AGAIN that what goes around, comes around.

See, ever since our vivacious, super stubborn, high-spirited, animated Miss Maddie came into our lives my mom has just loved to remind me that payback is a bitch (or in her words, "a b-b"). For every time Maddie throws a fit, and with it whatever is in her hand, my mom has some old Spanish saying to throw at me. And with each pout of the lips and throw to the floor Maddie puts out, my mom has a "life lesson" to add - a reminder that this is my payback.

Is it?

Is it "payback" to have a little girl that FILLS UP OUR LIVES? That makes us LAUGH UNTIL OUR BELLIES HURT AND SOMETHING COMES OUT OUR NOSE? Is having a baby that LIGHTS UP A ROOM WITH HER INFECTIOUS LAUGH AND GORGEOUS EYES what's "coming around"? Am I supposed to be feeling some kind of punishment by having a daughter that WON'T LET ANYONE MESS WITH HER? That LAUGHS SO HARD SHE FALLS DOWN? And that KEEPS US ON OUR TOES?

Is this payback? Well, if it is, then I invite you just keep bringing it on, sweet payback because here I am. Arms wide open.

Yep, she's this tough...

And this unbelievably sweet.

Totally Random

2009-01-17T15:04:00.005-06:00

I rarely play along with bloggy things. Not because I don't like them, I do. I just don't have that much commitment in me. But this one from over here is so simple and kinda fun that I think I'll just give it a try. Plus, it keeps this ol' blog alive when I can't find the time to sit and write anything substantial. Just don't go getting too excited though. This could be the last...or it could not.

Anyway, this is the 8th picture in my January 2009 folder - Ana and Miss Maddie opening up their big Mickey and Minnie from Auntie Carie, Uncle Dan, and Baby Wyatt. They ended up switching because Maddie LOVES "Mickey!!!" and Ana's much more a Minnie kinda gal.

Totally Random

2009-01-10T15:47:00.006-06:00

Picked up from 4 Little Men & Girly Twins, here is the 21st picture from my May 2007 folder. The one from 2008 was a picture of the floor that my photographer-in-the-making Miss Ana took so I thought it'd be best to go to the year before :).

This picture was taken a couple of hours after we brought our sweet Madelyn Grace into this world. And here we are 19 months later. Geez...

(A different) 100 Things...

2009-01-10T15:04:00.003-06:00

Got this from I Hate Whine. Bold whatever you have done. If you play along let me know so I can go see your list !

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language (Italian and French - VERY basic)

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing (on a wall)

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous (the group Candlebox)

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby (2! )

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

Goodbye, my friend...

2009-01-05T04:25:00.004-06:00

Another year come and gone. 4 days into 2009 and I'm just now sitting down to look back on 2008. That's actually pretty symbolic of how my entire year went (a day late and a dollar short!) so it's only fitting that I wouldn't be on time with this either :). Late or not, I sit here ready to pay homage to a year of ups, downs, and straightaways. And though the year was filled with trials and tribulations there was still no shortage of blessings. So it is with gratitude that I present my "Best of 2008".

January - saying goodbye to my dear appendix. Though I never really needed you, it hurt like hell to let you go. But I survived so thank the Lord for that!

February - Miss Maddie finding her way and learning to crawl. NOT pure chaos like everyone had promised! And the birth of Maddan Trucking, LLC.

March - going from 2 diaper bills to just 1 :)! And the birth of little Jimmy.

April - surviving on basically no income while we waited for our business to take off.

May - our sweet Madelyn Grace turning 1! Thank you 2008 for helping us celebrate the birth of this precious girl.

June - developing friendships that would become such a big part of our world.

July - our 6 year wedding anniversary spent with the products of our love. The growth of our business. It felt like an eternity waiting for some security but it was finally here - if only for a few months. And the addition of Baby Wyatt to our growing family.

August - a healthy homecoming for Baby Wyatt and the 2nd annual Wisconsin family getaway.

September - the anniversary of one of the greatest days in our life. Our Ana turns 3!

October - Maddie's first trick-or-treating experience. She loved it! And two pretty cute costumes - Ana a slurpie and Maddie our popcorn.

November - getting to spend Thanksgiving with our family and having countless blessing to be grateful for.

December - a month full of blessings. Too many celebrations to keep track of. A house almost constantly full and a Christmas to remember with two very special little girls.

For all of this and everything in between - the friendships deepened, relationships strengthened, family blessings, a hardworking husband, and two of the most perfect little girls ever created - I thank you, my friend. You've put us through a lot but never failed to shower us with love. So here's to you, 2008! For so many things you will surely be missed!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

A New Year of Possibilities (and a look back at last year's!)

2009-01-05T03:50:00.005-06:00

I guess with 2008 behind us and a new year already underway this would be a perfect time to look back at my last year's hopes and see how I did....

I hope for superficial things like more cushion in the bank, a smaller waistline, and a beautiful deck for our backyard. - well, the cushion came and went along with the smaller waistline but we do have a beautiful new patio!
I hope to be a more patient mother to my girls and to take in the precious time God's granted me to be their mom. - I don't know that I'll ever be as patient as I hope to be but I can definitely say that I've enjoyed every second of the year with my babies.
I hope to be a more understanding wife to my hubby and for us both to grow as individuals and as a couple. - this one's tough. We had a terribly hard year that took a toll on our relationship.
I hope to deepen relationships with my family and become a better sister, daughter, aunt, niece... - this one I feel. Though there is no perfect relationship, they have definitely gotten stronger.
I hope to be a better friend and grow closer to all of my "shoes", both new and old. - though I can't really claim to have been such a better friend, one way or another I love all of my "shoes" a year's worth more.
I hope to live a "greener" life, for the sake of our kids (and theirs, and theirs, and theirs). - probably my biggest success of the year.
I hope to never let "moments" pass us by. - wrapped up in a year of too many ups and downs to count, I'm amazed at how much I was still able to catch.
I hope for all things good and true for us and all those we love so much! - unfortunately it was a tough year for far too many but my hope never waned!

So that's that, and another year is here. And with this new year comes a whole new list of hopes and possibilities, some of the same, some new...

This year, for the things that matter most, I hope:

to put my husband first, even above my children because it's in the best interest of said children. I firmly believe this and have to make it happen.
to get myself into shape, not for the superficialness of a smaller jeans' size but for my health and for the lifestyle I wish to teach my girls.
to become more organized with our money to better prepare us for financial hardships.
to manage my time better and learn to say "no" so I can enjoy the moments that really matter.
to take more time for myself so I can remember why my family and friends love me.
to outwardly cherish my sweet friends. I feel it but I need to show it more because they are SO MUCH of what makes my life so wonderful.
to get in better touch with my faith and learn how to better serve the God that has been so good to me.

And for the things that just add that little something to this life I love, I hope:

to act on the thoughtfulness I have. I have the BEST intentions but can't seem to find the time to see them through.
to have the time to do what I love - anything crafty - not for a party or for someone else but for ME and the preservation of my girls' childhood.
to dress cuter, look more put together, and wear more jewelry :).
be better about sending out thank you cards because I really am so grateful.

Here's to another year of hope and possibilities!

First Snow Day

2009-01-04T21:56:00.003-06:00

Last week I finally took the girls out to play in the snow. Finally, the weather, the snow, the day all lined up perfectly and we went out to enjoy.

Maddie's first snow adventure!

The girls LOVED it!

Maddie got her car stuck :)

And Ana made snow angels...

Christmas 2008

2009-01-04T21:33:00.005-06:00

What a beautiful Christmas we had!

A little celebration with the girls' bestest friends...

Christmas Eve with my side of the family...

Christmas Day at our house...

A Christmas celebration the following Saturday at our house with Anthony's side...

And another celebration with the girls' aunties and Uncle Dan...

Our Christmas was full, full, FULL. It was full of parties; full of thought-filled gifts; full of laughs and memories; and full of love. We are so blessed!

Scared

2009-01-01T22:13:00.011-06:00

This was our sweet girl on Monday at about 4 in the morning. After what started as a normal Sunday night, our little Maddie woke up and had a seizure.

She had been fighting what I thought was Croup for a couple of days. Anthony put her to bed on Sunday night with a runny nose, a cough, and not much more. At about 12:45 am she woke up crying and with a fever. I gave her some Tylenol, changed her diaper and sat down to rock her. As we sat there and rocked her breathing began to strain and I felt her little body start to shake. I looked at her face and my heart sank. She was unresponsive as she stared up to the ceiling. My baby girl was having a seizure.

I ran to our room and laid her on our bed as Anthony and I frantically tried to gain her attention. Her breathing stayed heavy while her body stiffened and her legs and arms shook until suddenly she looked at me. And her breathing stopped. Completely. There she lay, mouth open, staring in my eyes without a sound. As I went to put my mouth to hers she gasped and began to breathe once again. Her body relaxed and she seemed to be coming out it.

Fast forward about 15 minutes and an ambulance ride to the hospital later...

They took her temperature and said it was 104 and guessed that it had likely reached 105 or 106. The outcome of such a rapid increase in temp was a febrile seizure. A chest x-ray reveled pneumonia in her right lung. Some blood tests showed an increase in her white blood cell count. And a spinal tap showed clear fluid that ruled out anything more.

5 hours after we had arrived, just my baby and I, we were on our way home.

Those are the facts. What happened. But this event has far from left us.

This has been, by far, the hardest and scariest thing I've ever experienced as a mom. Standing there completely helpless as my little girl, my baby seized while I could do nothing more than wait. Watching her and praying for God to take her in His hands and protect her. Waiting for what seemed like a lifetime to hear her take another breath. Realizing even for a moment that she could actually NOT be OK. Standing by her side as they had to try 3 separate times to insert an IV and wiping away the endless tears that fell from her eyes. Praying for God to wrap His arms around her when I wasn't allowed to. Having to look in her eyes and try my damnedest to reassure her it would be OK. Sitting idly by while 2 nurses lay on top of her so the doctor could do a spinal tab on her tiny body. This is all that surrounded the "facts" of these 6 hours.

As much as I would love to say that I was a rock through this all I cannot. All of this was almost too much for this very weak mama to take. I felt inadequate. I feel inadequate. Like I should have handled things better. Like I should be so strong as to not cry while I sit here and type this or as to not cry each time the image of her helpless body enters my mind. I've never felt so small, so insignificant, as I did that morning. I remember thinking while all this was going on that this was out of my hands. I kept thinking that I had to trust that the Lord would keep her safe. And though I've always believed myself to be a faithful person I never thought I'd be capable of such surrender in a situation that involved the well-being of my babies. But it was in this very situation that God showed Himself to us and protected our sweet girl.

The pneumonia will be treated with some antibiotics and the seizure is, in all accounts, benign. Though her chances of having another have now increased, they don't cause any damage and she will outgrow them. It amazes me how resilient my little girl can be. When I asked the doctor after Maddie's spinal tap if she would be sore he laughed and said "Oh no. Babies are superior creatures to us adults. She won't remember or even care about this when it's over." And he was right. By the time Anthony and Ana picked us up our little fighter was happy as ever - asking for milk and saying "Hi, Daddy" about a hundred times in our 3 minute drive home. She was fine by morning and she's fine now. I, on the other hand, will just pray for my heart to heal and make me a better mama for having gotten through this.

It's funny how you think you could possibly love them anymore until...

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T19:47:00.004-06:00

This Christmas was perfection. Complete, utter perfection.

I only hope you had as joyful and wonderful a Christmas :).

More to come...

Bananas

2008-12-23T21:44:00.003-06:00

"Time for my daily banana..."

"You don't stand a chance against me, Banana!"

"Mmmmmm...poor Banana never saw it comin'."

And remember Ana's "Banana Episode"? I guess it's the bananas???

Happy Birthday, Nana!

2008-12-22T09:27:00.002-06:00

We LOVE you!!!!!

xoxo,
Your girls :)

Survived

2008-12-21T21:12:00.004-06:00

We survived the week! It was jam-packed but I made it (and on VERY little sleep, mind you!). I'd love to write all about it but Christmas Eve is knockin' on my door and I have a couch full of projects that are calling to be done! I do have an entire list of stuff I want to write about so, to help keep me honest, I think I'll go ahead and list some of them.

Maddie's 18 month letter (yes, I KNOW she's almost 19 months!)
the great Christmas things we've done this past week
an update on the ol' fat tracker (sneak peek - this week was not great but it wasn't awful either)
a post inspired by something I read about marriage (deep, just wait)
a letter to another certain someone I'm seem to kinda fancy these days :)
some "Chit Chattin' with Ana" updates - there are SOOOO many!!!

So I'll do my best to write it all while it's still fresh but this week is going to be another doozy!!! Is that even the right word!?!? Anyhoo, with my mom's birthday, our annual girls' tamale night, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, my bff's birthday, and a Christmas celebration with Anthony's side of the family, and another celebrating my awesome friends I'm sure I'll totally get to it :).

Until soooon!

My Week

2008-12-15T18:52:00.002-06:00

I'm writing it down for sanity's sake....

Mon. - playgroup. Finish recipe books.
Tues. - having friends over for lunch. Go to Hobby Lobby and get the materials for some gifts for Friday.
Tues. night - Marisa's coming to take our pictures!
Wed. - Christmas dinner with my crazy mom friends :). Make gifts for Friday.
Thurs. - get ready for Fri. Get food and activities together. Finalize for Saturday's party.
Fri. - little Christmas party for the girls' bestest friends!
Fri. early evening - watch 3 little ones (plus my little ones) while their mamas do some good for society.
Fri. night - go out with our bff's.
Sat. - throw a birthday party for my mom.
In my free time - raise kids, keep house, make husband happy, and eat...but not bad cuz I'm still on a diet!

Ok, Monday down, the rest of the week to go.

Two little bunnies...

2008-12-15T15:16:00.002-06:00

Ana at 18 months...

Maddie at 17 months...

Day 7: Already off track

2008-12-14T10:21:00.004-06:00

No, no. Not with the "diet". With the updates. Remember? I vowed to update 3 times a week. Rememberrrrrrr? I should know better. I wish I was one of those people that actually did the things she said she was going to do all the time. Seriously. I wish I was THAT person. I'm really good friends with THAT person. But THAT person I am not. Life always seems to throw me off course, off my "plan". "If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plan". No joke!

Anyhoo, back to my regularly scheduled "Fat Tracker" :).

Successes:

I successfully got through a Christmas playgroup without overindulging!!! This is big. No, this is HUGE! I can't even begin to describe the amount of food at these things. And it's good food - food made by mamas with little kids that are all about indulging (or at least wanting to impress other mamas with their fabulous recipes!). Like I said, HUGE conquest!
I did AWESOME the first 4 days. I stayed right at my target calorie intake of 1200 and can already feel the difference. Since I'm not weighing myself I don't see the numbers but I feel less, shall we say, puffy? Yeah, let's say less puffy.

Ok, so I say I did awesome the first four days not because I fell off the wagon but because days five and six were back to back parties. So I did indulge. BUT I indulged in things like fruit and tortilla chips....and drinks and guacamole. Not the best, but I did write it into my plan.

This is going to be another busy week so wish me luck - 1 playgroup, 2 Christmas parties, and a birthday party. Good luck to me :)!

Countdown to Christmas: Days 8 - 13

2008-12-14T10:06:00.004-06:00

Ok, busy week (hence the lack of updates!). But here's the wrap up:

Day 8: BIG Christmasy day! A Christmas party with all of our friends from my mom's group that included a visit from a jolly old fella. What did they think of him? See for yourself :)....

Then, we were lucky enough to be invited to Karmen & Alex's "Rockin' Christmas" show. We trekked through the snow and made our way to Oswego to see the girls' favorite cousins perform in their school's Christmas extravaganza! The show, followed by some pizza and a couple of over-tired babies amounted to some big fun for these two.

Day 9: Hot chocolate and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" under some blankets. Precious.

Days 10 -13: Christmas shopping, putting up some lights, and some Christmas movies. Quite frankly, these days blended together for me.

Back to the daily updates!

Day 1: I'm Fat

2008-12-08T07:24:00.004-06:00

OK. As previously stated, this is it. I'm hanging out here at rock bottom feelin' all sorry for myself thinking I've never looked or felt so out of shape. I spent the weekend partyin' it up down here but today's a new day. It's a new week and I'm ready to make some changes. I realize I must be completely crazy to try and get my act together right before Christmas. I get that I must be delusional to hop on a diet as we approach countless get-togethers where food is the guest of honor. But I need to do this and I need to do it now.

So today I start a diet. A full-out-count-my-calories-never-actually-done-this-before diet. This is new for me and I'm not sure how either of us will do (me and food) but I NEED TO DO IT. And this is where I'm going to write all about it. This is where I'm going to hold myself accountable.

So here's the plan:

Take in between 1300 t0 1500 calories a day with room to "induldge" on party days.
Rethink my definition of "induldge". It does NOT have to mean that I eat until I physically, not just figuritively, need to roll out of a party.
Do some sort of exercise each day. Even the smallest effort will count!
Do NOT weigh myself. Numbers only discourage so instead I'll measure my successes but how I feel and what the heck I can fit into.
Find a target pair of pants that I'm dying to get into.
Write about my successes and failures at least 3 times a week.

So this is Day 1. And I'm fat. I feel fat. I look fat. My clothes keeping screaming at me "You're fat!!! I don't fit you!!!!" So ok, we go from here. This is where I begin so here I gooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Flashback: Ana

2008-12-07T21:22:00.004-06:00

I ran across some film from my old camera that had never been developed so I took it in. And what I got back has me all gooey with nostalgia. It's so hard to remember our big girl being this small. Oh, how I miss it.

At 9 months...

With Nana...

With Papa...

With Auntie Vicky...

At 15 months...

Man, does it go by fast.

Countdown to Christmas: Days 6 & 7

2008-12-07T20:13:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a rough day - for me, for the girls, with the weather, with everything it seemed. So as much as I hate to actually put this into words, we did NOTHING to countdown Christmas yesterday. I was exhausted and just not up for a whole heck of a lot so I'll hastily admit I surrendered to my utter laziness.

But today, today we had QUITE the Christmas countdown day! The girls and I made spritz cookies in the morning with the help of our cousin Christina. I have to say, as far as cookie recipes go, this is one of the easiest. Some butter, sugar, flour, baking soda, salt, and an egg. Seriously. That's it. Super easy. Super quick. And super yummy.

Ana loved it of course as she loves all things cooking/baking/helping/being all grown up like mama :). And this was Miss Maddie's first time helping to make the cookies and she did wonderfully! Complete impatience aside, once we got to the decorating part she was in heaven! I'm pretty sure her little fingers are permanently red but hey, small price to pay, right? Christmas activity #1, check!

While the girls napped I took a run over to the Super Wal-Mart and managed to get some more Christmas shopping done. I found what I'm sure will be THE HIT of Christmas morning for girls. I can't wait to see them open it!!!! Christmas activity #2, check!

After dinner, as we racked our brains thinking of something fun to do I found a few Christmas-y games that Ana could play on the computer. Needless to say she LOVED that. What's that, you say? I get to put my sticky little hands all over your computer AND you're not going to yell at me? Ah, a dream come true! Christmas activity #3, check check!

So I think I should be pardoned for yesterday :).

Countdown to Christmas: Day 5

2008-12-06T10:19:00.004-06:00

Yesterday the girls and I braved the very cold weather to get some Christmas shopping done! I know these "Christmas Countdown" events are supposed to be magical and all but this was so not. It was too cold, too crowded, and too boring for these two. But hey, at least we were together, right?

Daddy did come pick them up and I got to have a nice 2 1/2 hour lunch with my super best friend, Dana. I needed it (both the Chipotle AND the company). So as far as an event for mama goes, I'd consider it an utter success. Thank you, my sweet, sweet friend!

Rock Bottom

2008-12-05T09:31:00.004-06:00

This morning I put on one of my husband's sweatshirts as part of my "outfit". My 225 lb, 6'1" husband's sweatshirts. And not in some half-hearted attempt to be comfy either. But rather because almost nothing I own fits me.

I'm here. I'm at rock bottom.

I figure I have two choices. I can either buy clothes that fit or I can lose some of this holiday weight (yeah, I do know we've only had one holiday so far!). And since the ol' budget doesn't exactly allow for a new wardrobe of fat clothes, I guess that leaves me with the latter.

So, I SWEAR, this is it!!!!!

Countdown to Christmas: Day 4

2008-12-05T09:30:00.004-06:00

Last night the girls and I read EVERY Christmas book they own. They have, like, twelve. It's not like they're novels or anything but we did read them all. And we read them while sitting under the tree :).

Countdown to Christmas

2008-12-03T22:54:00.004-06:00

As part of our countdown to Christmas this year we here in Ullsmithland have made it our mission to do at least one Christmas-related event for every day leading up to the BIG day. And here's what we have to far:

Dec. 1 - The girls and I put up the tree in their loft. It was pre-lit so I just plugged it in and they decorated it themselves! Maddie didn't quite get it but Ana LOOOOVED it. "It's soooo beautiful, Mommy. This tree is just so beautiful!" is how she described it.

Dec. 2 - We put up the big tree in the family room. Once again, a HUGE hit with the sweetpeas.

Dec. 3 - Perhaps my very favorite Christmastime memory to date (not just this year!). The four of us curled up on the couch, ate popcorn, drank hot chocolate, and watched the 1964 classic "Rudolf" cartoon. This, my friends, is what it's all about :).

I would love to say that I have a list of our daily events to come but honestly I have no clue what's next. And you know, I kinda like it that way!

Sigh...

2008-12-03T22:23:00.004-06:00

I'll be honest. It's been a rough few months. A rough year if we're going there (which I'm not). But today I felt really happy for the first time in a long time. Like, genuinely happy. That kind of happy that comes from the inside out. It seeped through my skin and I left it all over my kitchen floor.

This little family that I get to call my own, this saving grace of mine, is the only thing capable of making me this happy.

As I was cooking dinner and the girls shared a chair in the middle of the kitchen, Ana asked me to put on her "party music" (the Fiesta CD from her birthday). I put it on and instantly Miss Maddie began her bootlicious shake. Ana followed with her little girl bounce and soon Mommy and Daddy joined in. So there we were. The four of us - two in pajamas, one in work clothes, and the other in a sundress (don't ask) - breakin' it down. Taking turns dancing with each other and then dancing all together. It was something out of a movie. I wanted to grab my camera and capture it but decided instead to just live it. I danced and laughed with the loves of my life. In that moment I was reminded just how lucky we are. How ridiculously blessed we are.

Our life isn't perfect. It's as far from it right now as I can remember. But it's funny how in the midst of trying times and hardships, God never fails to show His grace. In the eyes of my sweet toddler. In the laugh of my baby. In the simplest things. He humbles me with the unconditional love of these girls and reminds me that even when I feel as though I'm failing I am everything to them - everything they want and everything they need. How lucky I am to have children I am blissfully in love with. How lucky I am to have children I get to hug and kiss and care for. How lucky I am to, even for a moment, be able to sigh and just know I have everything I need.

They're coming...

2008-11-10T23:55:00.000-06:00

The updates. I swear :).

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-01T21:14:00.003-06:00

Our Slurpie, our Popcorn, and a Zoo Keeper :).

It was over as quickly as it began...

2008-10-03T15:48:00.004-05:00

9/09/08 - Ana's first soccer practice. She LOVES it. She kicks the ball, runs around, warms up, even plays a practice game with her team. Soccer is her sport. Mommy and Daddy beam with pride and look forward to a promising season.

9/16/08 - Auntie Carie and Baby Wyatt come to see Ana play. She refuses to go out onto the field. Doesn't go out even once. She's suddenly afraid of everything - her coach, her teammates, the ball, the other team. Mommy and Daddy's dreams of a future soccer star are slowly fading.

9/23/08 - Ana gets out onto the field! But she insists on holding her coach's hand at all times. Maybe soccer's not her sport. At least not for now anyway.

I don't know what the right thing to do here is. Do we let her give up and quit? Or do we force her to do something she's so obviously not into? Ugh. Mamahood is tough.

My Dearest Ana,

2008-09-30T14:53:00.008-05:00

Today's the day. Today is your day. Your very big third birthday. You're officially no longer a baby. Somewhere between your little infant snore and your acquired knack for singing everything, you've grown up.

You've grown up to be a talker, a chit chatter really. Sometimes you're content in pure silence. But when it strikes you, you chit chat with the best of them. You go on and on and on and on and I. LOVE. IT. The things that you say crack me up, melt my heart, and boil my blood.

You know SO MUCH. You know things I've never taught you. You teach me things I didn't realize I should know. You have a memory like nobody's business that can get Mommy in trouble sometimes but a lot of times (like when I'm looking for my keys) it comes in very handy :).

You are becoming the very best sister we could ever dream of for Miss Maddie. Your concern for her when she cries overwhelms me. The way you talk to her in your sweet mommy voice chokes me up. Sure, you still have your moments with her and have single-handedly taught her the words "mine!" and "no!" but there is no doubt in my mind that you will be this little girl's very best friend.

How in the world you could be everything I've ever wanted in life, everything I've every wanted to be, is beyond me. Before you, I didn't believe perfection existed. You're a sweet potato. You're hilarious. You love to laugh. You're feisty. You're so smart. You're so witty. You're a stinker. You love big. You have such incredible concern for Mommy, Daddy, and Maddie. You're stubborn. You're sassy. YOU ARE EVERYTHING.

I love you.

xoxo,
Mama

Slowin' Down

2008-09-23T20:05:00.003-05:00

I can admit that I've been letting myself get overwhelmed these last few months with everything under the sun and today I let myself slow down.

I let my sweet girls play in the bath while I watched them and reveled in their giggles. I brushed their hair and teeth, lotioned those little legs and arms, and searched through loads of clean laundry to find the coveted Little Mermaid pajamas. And for this I was rewarded. These sweet girls let me rock them both (together) for all of five whole songs - the same five songs I sang to them each when they were infants as I'd nurse them, stare at them, and take in their sweet baby smell. Ana, snuggled up on my chest with her long legs wrapped around my waist. Maddie, not quite as calm but still affording me a snuggle here and there. As I sang to my babies and turned my head from one to the other taking in their yumminess, I felt myself slow down for the first time in months.

There's nothing in this world quite like your own little girls' fresh-out-of-a-bath baby smell. And I'll (shamefully) admit I don't take it in quite as often as I should, quite as often as we all deserve. Maddie's inability to sit still and Ana's long, long legs took me to the days when I could fit them in the nook of my chest. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago but today it felt like it was just yesterday. And so I'm forced to remember something none of us should ever forget - that these days won't be here forever and I owe it to myself, I owe it to my girls, to just slow down.

I love you

2008-09-21T22:47:00.003-05:00

I don't have the time to write much of a post (shocking, I know!) but I do need to write this. My little Miss Maddie, 2 weeks and 1 day ago said this mama's favorite words. "I love you". Clear as day. From my 15 month old chunk of love. Oh baby, how I love you too!!!!

Ovah thrrr!

2008-09-05T09:33:00.002-05:00

I'm featured over here today! Check it out and leave a comment, pulease!!! :)

Labor Day Weekend 2008

2008-09-04T15:08:00.003-05:00

Last weekend we had a family reunion up in Wisconsin. It's funny to call it a family reunion since our entire family gets together literally once a month, at least. But that's besides the point. Anyway, we spend 3 days doing a whole lotta nothing. Things didn't go exactly as envisioned but all in all it was a weekend away so there's something to be said for that, I guess.

When we got home on Monday I braced myself for a week of deprogramming the girls from lates nights, late naps, lots of screaming and eating whenever, and living in bathing suits. I thought for sure I was in for a heck of a week. And to my pleasant surprise, it has indeed been a heck of a week but in a good way! They have been ANGELS!!! Right back on track and sweet as ever. Honestly, how did we get so lucky? Perfection is what these little girls are :). So I'll leave you with some pictures from this little getaway of ours....

Uncle Yaros rescuing Ana from the waterslides. She was not a fan :).

Me and my sweetie.

Our Bathing Beauty.

One of the very few family pics we have. Isn't that sad?

Right before my eyes

2008-09-01T20:54:00.010-05:00

So Miss Maddie Mac is now saying...

Bounce
Good girl!
No
Mine (thank you very much, Miss Ana!!!)
and Pasta

I love, love, LOVE a baby's first words. Especially my baby's first words. She's becoming a big girl right before our eyes and it's bitter sweet. I melt when she wobbles across the room just to hug my leg. And her humongous laugh makes me want to fall over. She loves her sister and wants to do what she does but she's very much her own little person. I love that she calls for Daddy when she hears him come in and she calls for me every morning. But I have to say I already miss the little baby she was.

Goin' Green...

2008-08-22T14:33:00.006-05:00

I'm so excited! Months back as I was perusing this here web trying to inform myself on ways to "green up" our house I came across this great website, Green & Clean Mom. What I love so much about it is that Sommer, the founder, has a very nonjudgemental, easy way about it. She knows there is a slew of moms, like me, that want to make a difference in the environment and do whats best for their kids short of shoving them into a Prius. So I became a member last week and Kirstin mentioned that they were looking for contributers to do weekly posts on their community forum. Um, sign me up! So she did. And now I'm contributing to the site every Friday. And no, I'm not pretending to be an expert on anything. I'm just blogging about life as a mama that's trying to green things up without getting overwhelmed. So if you want to check out my green blog just go here...every Friday. Don't forget. And leave me a comment so people will think you like me :).

Peace

2008-08-21T18:43:00.002-05:00

I sat the girls in front of the TV just to get a moment of peace. Not that they never watch TV but I've never purposely put them there to get a break from them. To have some quiet. Without having something to get done. Yep, no Mom of the Year award for me today. Sigh....

Talk away, Baby

2008-08-13T20:38:00.004-05:00

I realized after I published the last post that I forgot to give Maddie credit for a few words. Among the ones I mentioned, she also says agua, duck, Daddy, Mommy, Mama, and Dada. And today she added cookie and baby to that list.

I am so looking forward to hearing her talk, really talk. I daydream of, months from now, hearing her and Ana have actual conversations with each other. I'm so looking forward to it but cherishing this Maddie language she has now because, before long, I'll be missing it so much. I can hardly remember what Ana sounded like just a short 18 months ago. I miss her baby voice and words only I could understand. But, I'll tell ya what, I wouldn't trade anything for the conversations, opinions, and Ana-isms I get to hear now. That....is what I'm looking forward to with Miss Maddie.

Sigh....

2008-08-11T21:55:00.004-05:00

It has been forever since I've sat down and written anything. I finally got around to finishing Maddie's birthday letter (that I started weeks ago, months after her birthday still). I feel like there's been so much going on these last few months that to actually catch things up on here would take days in itself. So I guess, for my own sanity's sake I'll just try to list some highlights.

Maddie -

She started walking a week before she turned 13 months. She still wobbles a bit and pretty much looks like she's been at a really great party for 3 drinks too many, but when she is up and about she's quick. Check her out :)

She's talking. Says words like dog, cow, down, spoon, uh-oh, wow, buh-bye, hey, yeah, hi-ya!, nana, ana, tickle, and toes. To name a few :). And her first two-word sentence is "that way!", as in , "where's your bear, Maddie?" "that way!"

She recognizes everything. "Where's the cow?" "Time to clean up." "Where's your belly?" "Where are your toes?" "So you want to take a nap" (to which she shakes her head 'no'. haha.). She understands and answers in her way.

She's picked up a handful of animal sounds and will make them when you ask her what certain animals say. Her very favorite is the ducks "quack, quack" but she knows the cat, dog, lion, and, bear.

Ana -

She might be starting pre-school this fall. Might be.

She has turned that little girl in her into a big girl with BIG drama. Everything's a big deal some days.

She loves taking care of Maddie and making her happy when she cries.

She comes up with phrases that crack. me. up. Whether she's heard someone else say them or they're complete "Ana originals", coming out of her little mouth, they take on a delivery of their own. Today she told me "Mommy, I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and tired of this." Um, okaaaay.

She's had a really hard time with Daddy working so much. Never one to demonstrate separation anxiety, she's gone through a phase of getting upset whenever he has to leave (for work, to the store, to the bathroom). It breaks our heart but it's getting better.

She loves to help clean, do laundry, shop, and do the dishes.

She went to the dentist for the first time. No cavaties and some reassurance that her crooked little teeth should end up just fine so long as she keeps that thumb out of there. Here's to hoping!

She's learning her past presidents. We got George Washington and Thomas Jefferson down :)!

Us -

Too much to get into right now. Things have been rougher than I'd like and life may be about to completely change for us but that's still to be determined. I'll get into it later since I'm giving this whole blogging thing a renewed commitment. Again, here's to hoping!!!

Until next time...

Chit Chatting with Ana...

2008-07-28T16:02:00.006-05:00

As I'm working on something, I can vaguely hear Ana going on and on about something. And then I very clearly hear this...

Ana: "Mommy, don't n'nore me."
Me: "Don't what?"
Ana: "Don't n'nore me."
Me: "Don't ignore you?"
Ana: "Yeah, don't n'nore me."
Me: "I'm not."
Ana: "Yeah. I'm talking to you and you don't answer. You're n'noring me."

And that was my day's lesson in being polite :).

Dear Maddie...

2008-07-25T22:12:00.010-05:00

OK, so you're 14 months already and this is technically supposed to be your 1st birthday letter but I can promise you it's been writing itself in my head for months - for the last 14 months actually. What's funny though is that I'm not really sure I know even where to start. So how about we just rewind almost 2 years...

The news of you came on September 8th, 2006. After a "feeling", I took a pregnancy test at home while Daddy was at work. Within seconds two little blue lines appeared. Unlike with your sister, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't in shock and I wasn't speechless. I knew before I had taken the test that you were inside of me. Somehow, I just knew.

At 7 months pregnant with you, I began getting regular contractions and, just to be safe, the doctor put me on bed rest. And I got scared. I got scared that you may come too early. I got scared that I had done something wrong to make this happen. And I got scared that anything could be wrong with you. I vowed to stay off my feet and put every once of effort into making sure you stayed put for as long as possible. Daddy was amazing. He would work all day and then come home and take care of Mommy and Ana. At 36 weeks the doctor took me off bed rest and said it was OK if you wanted to make your arrival at any day. And though I desperately wanted to meet you, I prayed everyday that you would stay put until your due date. I prayed because I knew it was what was best for you but I knew you would come when you were ready. And that you did.

You were born right on your due date after 6 short hours of labor and 3 big pushes. And you were a girl. And you were our baby. Your chubby little cheeks barely gave way to your beautiful eyes and your chunky legs resembled those of your sister's. I cried as I saw them carry you to the warmer and I cried when they finally placed you in my arms. I had waited 9 long months for you and there you were. Our beautiful Madelyn Grace. All 8 pounds and 10 ounces of you. The same 8 pounds and 10 ounces that were about to rock our world.

This last year with you, my sweet girl, has been both a blur and one long moment pressed into my memory. It went by too fast. I feel like I've missed so much. Yet I feel like you've been with me forever. From the start you have been a mommy's girl. The touch of my hand or the feel of my lips softly against your head was all that you required to soothe you for months. We spent all of our days together, so many of them with you in my arms. I watched you sleep and let you sleep in our bed more times than I can remember. You always loved to be held and absolutely loved to watch people. "Mama" was your first word at just 6 months I LOVED that. You spoke it loud and clear and you said it often. "Dada" came soon after and melted Daddy's heart each and every time he heard it.

You have been such a light in our life this last year, Maddie Girl. When you were an itty bitty baby you loved the song "You are my Sunshine". And our sunshine is exactly what you've been. You are that baby girl that they show in movies and commercials. You've always goo'd and ga-ga'd and giggled like a picture perfect baby. You make the cutest faces, have the most infectious laugh, and have the sweetest Maddie-isms we've ever had the joy of experiencing. Your mere presence makes everyone around you happy. In 14 short months you have learned how to make people feel loved. You. This tiny little baby. Have the ability to make me feel loved. You, sweetpea, are amazing.

I never wondered, when I was pregnant with you, whether or not I'd have room in my heart for you. I never wondered whether or not you'd fit into our world. But I could never have guessed how perfectly you would fit into our life. I couldn't have predicted how incredibly complete you would make our little family feel. You're our little rockstar, our cuddlebug, and our spitfire. You embrace everything with your whole little self and love every second of learning something new. When you're happy, your little body shows it from the squint in your eyes to that gummy little smile to your chubby tippy toes. And when you're upset, oh boy! When you're upset we know to watch out. As passionate as you are when you're happy is as passionate as you are when you're not. It can make things a little bit trying at times but I honestly love every ounce of you, the drama and all. I wouldn't change a bit of who you are, my sweet angel, because you are, in every sense of the word, perfection. And oh how I love you.

Happy 14 months, Madelyn Grace!

xoxo
Mama

Our Happy Girl

2008-07-22T09:10:00.003-05:00

And her sister that loves making her laugh....

*it takes a minute for her to get going but once she does, forget it!

I LOVE this so much :).

Chit Chatting with Ana...

2008-06-19T20:20:00.002-05:00

At Target Ana was walking in front of the cart when I stopped to look at something...

Ana: Come on, Mommy! We HAVE to keep going!
Me: Hold on. I just want to look at something real quick.
Ana: Mommy! We HAVE THINGS TO DOOOOOO!!!!!

It was like hearing a mini-me talk :).

Sitting outside having dinner Ana noticed Daddy swatting away some "little bugs"...

Ana: Dadddyyyyyy, don't hit those little bugs!
Daddy: Ok. Sorry.
Ana: You have to say sorry to the little bugs.
Daddy (with a sigh): Sorry, little bugs.
Ana (with a HUGE smile): Awww, Daddy, you did such a good job! Good job, Daddy!

:)

Pre-school? Really???

2008-06-12T22:25:00.003-05:00

Not sure where this came from but it's just hit me, right at this exact moment, that my first baby will be three in just over three months and I'm going to have to start thinking about pre-school. PRE-SCHOOL. My baby. In school? So now I can't stop crying....

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl...

2008-05-29T07:54:00.001-05:00

Your birthday letter is coming...I promise :).

Life with Ana, Maddie, & Mia...

3...part deux

3.

Farewell, 2010

Once more..

Hmmm...

Overwhelmed Much?

Summer!!!

Dream

Happy 8 Year Anniversary, Babe!

Perfection

Maybe

Blue

Really?!

Thankful

Thankful

Ana's Big Day, cont...

Ana's 1st Day of Pre-School!

Tough

DIY Day - Our Kitchen Island!

Chit Chattin' with Ana

Chit Chattin' with Ana

Details, Details, Details!

I *Heart* My Kitchen (NOW!)

Bad Blogger

Updates, Updates, Hooray!!

Ana Ballerina

Chit Chattin' with Maddie

A Perfect Day

Chit Chattin' with Ana...and Maddie

Change

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Miss Maddie

I'm still alive...

Days 17, 18, 19,20, 21, 22, and 23

Preschool

Chit Chattin' with Maddie

Chit Chattin' with Ana

Days 15 and 16

Days 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Day 9

Chit Chattin' with Maddie: the Debut

Days 7 & 8

Chit Chattin' with Ana: Easter Edition

Days 5 & 6

Day 4

Day 3

Day 2

My Super Good Deal

My List

Day 1

32

Chit Chattin' with Ana

Our Dancing Queen

Chit Chattin' with Ana

Oh Maddie...

Happy 18 months (plus 2)

So big

Payback

Totally Random

Totally Random

(A different) 100 Things...

Goodbye, my friend...

A New Year of Possibilities (and a look back at last year's!)

First Snow Day

Christmas 2008

Scared

Merry Christmas!!!

Bananas

Happy Birthday, Nana!

Survived

My Week

Two little bunnies...

Day 7: Already off track

Countdown to Christmas: Days 8 - 13

Day 1: I'm Fat

Flashback: Ana

Countdown to Christmas: Days 6 & 7

Countdown to Christmas: Day 5

Rock Bottom

Countdown to Christmas: Day 4

I Heart My Kitchen (NOW!)