Sigh...

I'll be honest. It's been a rough few months. A rough year if we're going there (which I'm not). But today I felt really happy for the first time in a long time. Like, genuinely happy. That kind of happy that comes from the inside out. It seeped through my skin and I left it all over my kitchen floor.

This little family that I get to call my own, this saving grace of mine, is the only thing capable of making me this happy.

As I was cooking dinner and the girls shared a chair in the middle of the kitchen, Ana asked me to put on her "party music" (the Fiesta CD from her birthday). I put it on and instantly Miss Maddie began her bootlicious shake. Ana followed with her little girl bounce and soon Mommy and Daddy joined in. So there we were. The four of us - two in pajamas, one in work clothes, and the other in a sundress (don't ask) - breakin' it down. Taking turns dancing with each other and then dancing all together. It was something out of a movie. I wanted to grab my camera and capture it but decided instead to just live it. I danced and laughed with the loves of my life. In that moment I was reminded just how lucky we are. How ridiculously blessed we are.

Our life isn't perfect. It's as far from it right now as I can remember. But it's funny how in the midst of trying times and hardships, God never fails to show His grace. In the eyes of my sweet toddler. In the laugh of my baby. In the simplest things. He humbles me with the unconditional love of these girls and reminds me that even when I feel as though I'm failing I am everything to them - everything they want and everything they need. How lucky I am to have children I am blissfully in love with. How lucky I am to have children I get to hug and kiss and care for. How lucky I am to, even for a moment, be able to sigh and just know I have everything I need.

Go Shorty! It's Your Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me.

31.  Huh.  A sensible time to reflect I guess.  And as much as I'd love to write some great post showcasing the depth I'm sure to have grown in my last 31 years or wallowing in the thought of now being 30-something I just can't.  Truth is I'm purty dang happy with where I am - where I am, how old I am, and what I've become.

I hesitate to say "I've been through a lot" because, well, who hasn't?  But I will say I had a good share of obstacles that could very well have led me down a very different path.  So all in all to have ended up in this life has been a blessing I wouldn't have even known to ask for - a roof over our heads, food on our table, our own business, two baby girls that are quite possibly as close to perfect as they come, and a husband that's right up there with them.  I've had a great job, worked my way through college, and have made a handful of incredible friends that have become family.  I've tried to be a good sister, daughter, mama, friend, and wife and I can say whole-heartedly that I've been successful.  I have become someone I a

m proud to be.  31 years in the making and here I am.  And I'm overcome.

So yep, here's to a very Happy Birthday to me :).

And my very favorite thing about this birthday.....because last year there was one missing :)

Goodbye, my dear friend.....

In just under 2 hours we'll be bidding adieu to our dear friend 2007. Unfortunately I will be doing it alone as my dear husband is out saving the world (read: salting and removing snow to make the streets safer. And by streets I mean, of course, the streets on Lincoln mall). So as I sit here, girls fast asleep, I am left to think about my friend 2007 and all it has brought to me. So it is with great gratitude that I present my "Best of 2007".

January - moving in to our brand new house. Thank you, 2007, for making a very big dream come true.

February - settling in to our new house and making it a home with friends and family.

March - Ana really beginning to talk. I'd been waiting 18 months for this and finally it's here!

April - my joining of Tiny Tots. One of the best things I could've ever done.

May - the birth of our beautiful baby Madelyn. Thank you, 2007, for giving us another miracle. She was and is perfect.

June - getting to witness the bond my two girls are developing. Unlike anything you can imagine.

July - our 5 year wedding anniversary. It came in the blink of an eye but feels like an entire lifetime. Thank you for granting me another year with this incredible man.

August - an awesome family getaway that was a long time coming. Thanks, 2007, for finally making it happen.

September - the anniversary of one of the greatest days in my life. Our Ana turns 2!

October - a successful start to AnaGrace Designs!

November - getting to spend Thanksgiving with the girls' Auntie Kiki

December - a month full of blessings. A Christmas to remember.

For all of this and everything in between - the friends made, the friendships deepened, relationships strengthened, family blessings, a husband sent from above, and two of the most perfect little girls ever created - I thank you, my friend. And I hope you put in a good word for us with your buddy 2008 :). Here's to you!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

It doesn't get better than this

We had a loooong Christmas weekend last week. A night with Anthony's family, a night with our friends, a night with my family, an afternoon with my immediate family and a birthday party to boot. It was a looooong weekend.

Not that I'm complaining because I LOVE it. Three of these get-togethers were at our house and all four of us were grateful for it. Not only did it make things immensely easier for the girls but having family and friends in our very first house (no disrespect dear townhouse) celebrating our very first Christmas as a family of four was awesome. Not to get too ooey and gooey but I could literally feel our house bursting with love this Christmas weekend. It doesn't get better than that.

The girls are so blessed to be surrounded with so many people that love them. I remember growing up just me, my mom, my brothers, and my aunts and feeling like we had the biggest family. I loved having my aunts so close to us all the time. But our girls have that ten-fold. They're surrounded with aunts and uncles and cousins and great aunties and grandmas and grandpas. It doesn't get better than that.

I could sit here listing all of the material gifts that were so generously given to my little family this Christmas but really the only one that matters can't be listed at all. To have the people we're lucky enough to call family here with us for a Christmas that will go down in my book as the best one yet- it doesn't get better than that.

My Life's Greatest Blessings

Happy Thanksgiving, my perfect angels!

Who puts cashmere on a baby?

I do.

And I buy my kids too many shoes. I don't like to let them repeat outfits too often. I will rarely wake either of them from a nap even if we do end up being late to almost everywhere we go these days. Ana doesn't usually watch TV but there are days that I have to get things done so I've let her watch for up to an hour and a half straight. I've dozed off again after hearing both of them awake in the morning when it was just too early and I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. I've pretended to make something from scratch for dinner when really I bought it completely cooked. I've spent too much money of stuff we don't need. I'll let the laundry pile up for waaaay longer than you can imagine and Anthony's had to run out for milk at night more times than I can remember because I forgot to buy it....again. I spend way too much time trying to get things done that, at the end of the day, not much actually gets done and I've gone weeks (yep, weeks) without making a home-cooked meal.

There you have it. My guilty secrets. The crazy, unpractical, unreasonable things I've done. I've spent a lot of time feeling bad about them until I realized this. My husband's happy, my little girls are amazing, and I can't think of anything more I could possibly ask for. Secrets? Maybe. Guilty? Not anymore.

Maddie Mondays: She's My Heart

Right from the beginning of my life as a mama of two I was amazed by the amount of love I have to give. When Ana was born I thought my heart had been filled to its capacity. I look at her and can actually feel my heart bursting at the seams. It's as if my entire heart belongs only to her. So how is it then, when I look at Maddie a second later, I can feel the exact same thing. When I hold my baby girl it's as if there is no one else in my heart but her.

I heard once that a mother grows a new heart each time she has a child and I swear now this must be true. Ana showed me how to love in a way I hadn't known before and Maddie has taken that beyond words. I'm overwhelmed with how happy she makes me. I honestly haven't tired of looking at that cheeky little face and I don't see how I could. We're at the stage now where she's developing a personality and if she's giving any indication of what she's going to be like then we're all in for quite a treat. She's constantly looking around to take the entire world in with her big, beautiful eyes and can sit there and watch me, Anthony, or Ana for what seems like hours. And the moment you look at her and talk it's a smile from ear to ear. Oh, how I love the way she smiles. She smiles with her entire face and kicks those chubby little legs when she gets excited. She's just so happy to be - just be.

Maddie has shown me patience I never expected to be capable of. She reminds me everyday to take each moment in because I may never again be the mama of a 9 week old, or a 10 week old, etc. She helps me slow down and realize how good life is - how good God is. What a blessing one perfect little girl was to us, but two? Two happy, healthy, unbelievably precious little girls to fill our home. Life doesn't get any better than this but the best part is that I know it.

Thank God

Thank God for everything He's blessed me with.

Every now and then I get a stroke of emotion and sensitivity. Not that I'm not usually emotional or sensitive (just ask my friends ;)), especially with Baby in tow, but once in a while it hits me just how lucky I am - how lucky Anthony and I both are.

We were talking about Ana the other day and we came up with the perfect description for her. We've realized that she is God's reward to us for having done something so very right in our lives. Yes she's a blessing, and yes she's a miracle as all babies are, but "reward", for some reason, seems to hit it right on the head. You know how it feels to work so hard at something and try with everything you have to achieve a goal and then, once you do, to be rewarded for it? There's nothing sweeter than that. There's nothing sweeter than that piece of dessert you give in to after losing those 10 lbs. There's nothing sweeter than those awesome pair of shoes you let yourself spurlge on after budgeting for months. And there's nothing sweeter than living your life honestly trying to be the best person you can be to others despite the endless obstacles you've had to overcome and being rewarded with a perfect little person you get to call your little girl.

So thank You, God. Thank You for seeing us for what we've always tried so hard to be and rewarding us with her.