"Mama"

Maddie's first word :)!!!

Said loud and clear this morning and just in time to make a very defiant toddler and very crabby baby that much easier to take. Funny how things work, isn't it?

6 Months

My sweet Madelyn,

6 months ago I didn't know how to be the mother of two.
6 months ago I worried how your sister would take to you.
6 months ago I didn't realize how much my life was about to change.
6 months ago I would never have been able to nurse a baby and prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a toddler...at the same time.
6 months ago I learned what it meant to grow another heart.
6 months ago I thanked God for the miracle that is you.
6 months ago you were born into a life of love and have given me more than I imagined possible. Whether you had been my first, second, or fifth baby I love you as though I had never done this before. Know that.

Love,
Mommy

A Lesson in Drama

Friday night I came down with a stomach "thing" and felt like the world was ending. It carried over into Saturday and I spent the morning in bed and the rest of the day on the couch. As Anthony took care of the house, our meals, the girls, and sickly ol' me, I felt the need to continuously proclaim that I wasn't trying to be dramatic I just felt that bad.

Skip to Sunday....

Anthony woke up with said stomach "thing". He spent the entire day much like I had spent my day before and doused it with endless "I don't feeeel good"s and very weak-sounding "Can I have ____?"s.

Now on to this morning....

5:30 am. Ana wakes up calling for me. Unusual but she sounded ok. I grabbed her and brought her back to bed with me. 15 minutes later, that "thing" was sure to have gotten her too. She began to throw up (in our bed nonetheless) so I rushed her to the bathroom where we COMPLETELY missed the toilet. I began to prepare myself for a very sick and crabby girl. But instead? Instead, almost instantly after throwing up, she began to clap her little hands and yell "Clean up! I need to clean up! hehehehehe! Mommy cleaning! Wash my hands, Mommy!"

And this is the last I've heard of Ana's stomach "thing". I'd say Mommy and Daddy stand to learn a thing or two about dramatics from this little girl, wouldn't you? :)

*Update: Tuesday night brought us a very sick Maddie. It was very obviously the same "thing". But, just like her sister, she showed Mommy and Daddy up. In between throwing up we were graced with nothing but baby talk and giggles. We seriously need to rethink our pain threshold.

A Diva is Born

Ana's first "salon" haircut and our first mom/daughter pampering trip. Words can't even.....

Ta Dah!!!! Our beautiful girl :)

My Life's Greatest Blessings

Happy Thanksgiving, my perfect angels!

Guilt

I came to accept a while back that guilt will perhaps always be a part of being a mom - for me anyway. While my confidence as the mom of my two little ladies grows each day, I will inevitably always wonder whether I did this good enough or whether I did that the way I should have. I get that. It's ok and I'll deal with each pang of guilt as it arrives. But today, today is different. Today I sit here a very guilt-ridden mommy.

I have officially stopped nursing my Maddie. Completely not my choice but it's happened nevertheless. Just over a month ago she began to get very fussy at most feedings, so fussy that she refused to stay on long enough for the milk to come. It became a vicious circle. She would latch on but get impatient when the milk wasn't coming and end up unlatched and very upset. The more she unlatched, the longer it would take for her to get her milk. The longer it would take, the more upset she would get. The more upset she would get, the more impatient she became. And so on, and so on, and so on.....

It was out of sheer desperation that I began giving her a bottle whenever this would happen. I knew enough to know this would affect my supply so I bought a supplement system. She hated it. I held on to 4 nursings for a few weeks but that fell to 3, then to 2, and eventually to just one. Then, our once very efficient morning nursing wasn't giving her enough. So it's all bottle now. And I feel awful about it. Did I give up too soon? Is there more I could have done to prolong nursing her?

I can honestly say I always try to do what's best for my girls and this, especially, was no exception. But that doesn't ease the guilt in thinking it may have been my mistakes that made this happen. It may have been my impatience that led us to this.

Like any mother, I want the absolute best for my baby and the knowledge that now she won't be getting it is tearing me up.

A Week of Firsts

• Maddie's first public meltdown
• Ana's first annoying favorite word - "FINE!!!!"
• First time I've been so irresponsible that I would actually let my truck run out of gas with one of my girls with me
• First time Ana put me on Time-Out and repremanded me
• First time I've had to take care of THREE cranky babies (Anthony being, quite possibly, the biggest baby of all)
• First time Maddie waved hi (whether it was on purpose or not I'm not sure but let's say it was)
• First time Ana has walked into a house of kids she didn't really know and didn't act shy for one second but instead became instant friends with them
• First time Maddie and Ana laughed together so hard I almost cried

But the biggest First of all...

• First time I have felt like SuperMom as I cleaned, cooked, changed diapers, bathed, soothed, doctored, hugged, kissed, and kept very happy my three perfect angels :)

Yep...

I'm still fat. I was looking through my little blog here and came across my vow to lose weight. Sure I've lost some but I'm still not in my pre-baby jeans.

So yep, I'm still fat. Hahaha :).

A Medical Emergency?

Is it a medical emergency when you wake up to find your 2 year old in her bed full of diaper rash ointment? And when I say "full", I mean FULL - in her hair, on her face, all over the bed, all over her body, and all over those little thumbs that unknowingly go straight into, you guessed it, her mouth.

Hypothetically speaking.....

My Sunshine

Oh is she ever. And doesn't she look so grown up in this picture?!?

Ana has just recited all of the words to a song for the first time. As I was making dinner last night and Maddie was hanging out with me in her exersaucer I heard Ana sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her. My heart runeth over. Sure, some of the lines are probably only clear to those fluent in Ana-ese like myself, but nevertheless she sang the entire song....and to her baby sister. She even put Maddie's name in it ("you'll never know Maddie how much I love you").

And in other Ana news....

She knows her days of the week. And she counts to 20 in English and 15 in Spanish. She's memorized an entire book (I Love You All The Time) and now "reads" it to us. And she's well on her way to memorizing about a dozen others too....they just happen to be a wee bit longer :). Here and there she's been coming out with Spanish words too. The other days as she was trying to get out of her chair she said "Mommy, ayudame!" Um, okkkkk. I'll help you. Either Dora's doing a heck of a job or Ana's actually picking up my poor excuse for Spanish.

I have to admit that I compare Ana's development to that of other kids her age and often wonder how other people think she's doing. I've consumed myself at times with worrying about whether certain people think she's doing as well as their kids are or as well as they think she should be doing. Yes, I realize this is more about me than it is about my baby but I can't help it. Or should I say I couldn't help it? Because I'm done with that. I'm done second-guessing whether she's smart enough and advanced enough. Truth of the matter is....she is. She's well ahead of average and absorbs things like nobody's business. So here it is. Here is my vow to knock it off. She's doing just fine. And of course by "she" I mean "me". I'm doing just fine as her mom :). Right?