So big

"Let me down, NOW!!!" - Maddie's first four word sentence. And totally Maddie-worthy, if I may say so myself :).

Payback

Today at lunch my mom took yet another three opportunities to point out YET AGAIN that what goes around, comes around.

See, ever since our vivacious, super stubborn, high-spirited, animated Miss Maddie came into our lives my mom has just loved to remind me that payback is a bitch (or in her words, "a b-b"). For every time Maddie throws a fit, and with it whatever is in her hand, my mom has some old Spanish saying to throw at me. And with each pout of the lips and throw to the floor Maddie puts out, my mom has a "life lesson" to add - a reminder that this is my payback.

Is it?

Is it "payback" to have a little girl that FILLS UP OUR LIVES? That makes us LAUGH UNTIL OUR BELLIES HURT AND SOMETHING COMES OUT OUR NOSE? Is having a baby that LIGHTS UP A ROOM WITH HER INFECTIOUS LAUGH AND GORGEOUS EYES what's "coming around"? Am I supposed to be feeling some kind of punishment by having a daughter that WON'T LET ANYONE MESS WITH HER? That LAUGHS SO HARD SHE FALLS DOWN? And that KEEPS US ON OUR TOES?

Is this payback? Well, if it is, then I invite you just keep bringing it on, sweet payback because here I am. Arms wide open.

Yep, she's this tough...

And this unbelievably sweet.

Totally Random

I rarely play along with bloggy things. Not because I don't like them, I do. I just don't have that much commitment in me. But this one from over here is so simple and kinda fun that I think I'll just give it a try. Plus, it keeps this ol' blog alive when I can't find the time to sit and write anything substantial. Just don't go getting too excited though. This could be the last...or it could not.

Anyway, this is the 8th picture in my January 2009 folder - Ana and Miss Maddie opening up their big Mickey and Minnie from Auntie Carie, Uncle Dan, and Baby Wyatt. They ended up switching because Maddie LOVES "Mickey!!!" and Ana's much more a Minnie kinda gal.

Totally Random

Picked up from 4 Little Men & Girly Twins, here is the 21st picture from my May 2007 folder. The one from 2008 was a picture of the floor that my photographer-in-the-making Miss Ana took so I thought it'd be best to go to the year before :).

This picture was taken a couple of hours after we brought our sweet Madelyn Grace into this world. And here we are 19 months later. Geez...

(A different) 100 Things...

Got this from I Hate Whine. Bold whatever you have done. If you play along let me know so I can go see your list !

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language (Italian and French - VERY basic)

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing (on a wall)

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous (the group Candlebox)

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby (2! )

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

Goodbye, my friend...

Another year come and gone. 4 days into 2009 and I'm just now sitting down to look back on 2008. That's actually pretty symbolic of how my entire year went (a day late and a dollar short!) so it's only fitting that I wouldn't be on time with this either :). Late or not, I sit here ready to pay homage to a year of ups, downs, and straightaways. And though the year was filled with trials and tribulations there was still no shortage of blessings. So it is with gratitude that I present my "Best of 2008".

January - saying goodbye to my dear appendix. Though I never really needed you, it hurt like hell to let you go. But I survived so thank the Lord for that!

February - Miss Maddie finding her way and learning to crawl. NOT pure chaos like everyone had promised! And the birth of Maddan Trucking, LLC.

March - going from 2 diaper bills to just 1 :)! And the birth of little Jimmy.

April - surviving on basically no income while we waited for our business to take off.

May - our sweet Madelyn Grace turning 1! Thank you 2008 for helping us celebrate the birth of this precious girl.

June - developing friendships that would become such a big part of our world.

July - our 6 year wedding anniversary spent with the products of our love. The growth of our business. It felt like an eternity waiting for some security but it was finally here - if only for a few months. And the addition of Baby Wyatt to our growing family.

August - a healthy homecoming for Baby Wyatt and the 2nd annual Wisconsin family getaway.

September - the anniversary of one of the greatest days in our life. Our Ana turns 3!

October - Maddie's first trick-or-treating experience. She loved it! And two pretty cute costumes - Ana a slurpie and Maddie our popcorn.

November - getting to spend Thanksgiving with our family and having countless blessing to be grateful for.

December - a month full of blessings. Too many celebrations to keep track of. A house almost constantly full and a Christmas to remember with two very special little girls.

For all of this and everything in between - the friendships deepened, relationships strengthened, family blessings, a hardworking husband, and two of the most perfect little girls ever created - I thank you, my friend. You've put us through a lot but never failed to shower us with love. So here's to you, 2008! For so many things you will surely be missed!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

A New Year of Possibilities (and a look back at last year's!)

I guess with 2008 behind us and a new year already underway this would be a perfect time to look back at my last year's hopes and see how I did....

• I hope for superficial things like more cushion in the bank, a smaller waistline, and a beautiful deck for our backyard. - well, the cushion came and went along with the smaller waistline but we do have a beautiful new patio!
  
• I hope to be a more patient mother to my girls and to take in the precious time God's granted me to be their mom. - I don't know that I'll ever be as patient as I hope to be but I can definitely say that I've enjoyed every second of the year with my babies.
  
• I hope to be a more understanding wife to my hubby and for us both to grow as individuals and as a couple. - this one's tough. We had a terribly hard year that took a toll on our relationship.
• I hope to deepen relationships with my family and become a better sister, daughter, aunt, niece... - this one I feel. Though there is no perfect relationship, they have definitely gotten stronger.
• I hope to be a better friend and grow closer to all of my "shoes", both new and old. - though I can't really claim to have been such a better friend, one way or another I love all of my "shoes" a year's worth more.
• I hope to live a "greener" life, for the sake of our kids (and theirs, and theirs, and theirs). - probably my biggest success of the year.
• I hope to never let "moments" pass us by. - wrapped up in a year of too many ups and downs to count, I'm amazed at how much I was still able to catch.
• I hope for all things good and true for us and all those we love so much! - unfortunately it was a tough year for far too many but my hope never waned!

So that's that, and another year is here. And with this new year comes a whole new list of hopes and possibilities, some of the same, some new...

This year, for the things that matter most, I hope:

• to put my husband first, even above my children because it's in the best interest of said children. I firmly believe this and have to make it happen.
• to get myself into shape, not for the superficialness of a smaller jeans' size but for my health and for the lifestyle I wish to teach my girls.
• to become more organized with our money to better prepare us for financial hardships.
• to manage my time better and learn to say "no" so I can enjoy the moments that really matter.
• to take more time for myself so I can remember why my family and friends love me.
• to outwardly cherish my sweet friends. I feel it but I need to show it more because they are SO MUCH of what makes my life so wonderful.
• to get in better touch with my faith and learn how to better serve the God that has been so good to me.
  

And for the things that just add that little something to this life I love, I hope:

• to act on the thoughtfulness I have. I have the BEST intentions but can't seem to find the time to see them through.
• to have the time to do what I love - anything crafty - not for a party or for someone else but for ME and the preservation of my girls' childhood.
• to dress cuter, look more put together, and wear more jewelry :).
• be better about sending out thank you cards because I really am so grateful.

Here's to another year of hope and possibilities!

First Snow Day

Last week I finally took the girls out to play in the snow. Finally, the weather, the snow, the day all lined up perfectly and we went out to enjoy.


Maddie's first snow adventure!

The girls LOVED it!

Maddie got her car stuck :)

And Ana made snow angels...

Christmas 2008

What a beautiful Christmas we had!

A little celebration with the girls' bestest friends...

Christmas Eve with my side of the family...

Christmas Day at our house...

A Christmas celebration the following Saturday at our house with Anthony's side...

And another celebration with the girls' aunties and Uncle Dan...

Our Christmas was full, full, FULL. It was full of parties; full of thought-filled gifts; full of laughs and memories; and full of love. We are so blessed!

Scared

This was our sweet girl on Monday at about 4 in the morning. After what started as a normal Sunday night, our little Maddie woke up and had a seizure.

She had been fighting what I thought was Croup for a couple of days. Anthony put her to bed on Sunday night with a runny nose, a cough, and not much more. At about 12:45 am she woke up crying and with a fever. I gave her some Tylenol, changed her diaper and sat down to rock her. As we sat there and rocked her breathing began to strain and I felt her little body start to shake. I looked at her face and my heart sank. She was unresponsive as she stared up to the ceiling. My baby girl was having a seizure.

I ran to our room and laid her on our bed as Anthony and I frantically tried to gain her attention. Her breathing stayed heavy while her body stiffened and her legs and arms shook until suddenly she looked at me. And her breathing stopped. Completely. There she lay, mouth open, staring in my eyes without a sound. As I went to put my mouth to hers she gasped and began to breathe once again. Her body relaxed and she seemed to be coming out it.

Fast forward about 15 minutes and an ambulance ride to the hospital later...

They took her temperature and said it was 104 and guessed that it had likely reached 105 or 106. The outcome of such a rapid increase in temp was a febrile seizure. A chest x-ray reveled pneumonia in her right lung. Some blood tests showed an increase in her white blood cell count. And a spinal tap showed clear fluid that ruled out anything more.

5 hours after we had arrived, just my baby and I, we were on our way home.

Those are the facts. What happened. But this event has far from left us.

This has been, by far, the hardest and scariest thing I've ever experienced as a mom. Standing there completely helpless as my little girl, my baby seized while I could do nothing more than wait. Watching her and praying for God to take her in His hands and protect her. Waiting for what seemed like a lifetime to hear her take another breath. Realizing even for a moment that she could actually NOT be OK. Standing by her side as they had to try 3 separate times to insert an IV and wiping away the endless tears that fell from her eyes. Praying for God to wrap His arms around her when I wasn't allowed to. Having to look in her eyes and try my damnedest to reassure her it would be OK. Sitting idly by while 2 nurses lay on top of her so the doctor could do a spinal tab on her tiny body. This is all that surrounded the "facts" of these 6 hours.

As much as I would love to say that I was a rock through this all I cannot. All of this was almost too much for this very weak mama to take. I felt inadequate. I feel inadequate. Like I should have handled things better. Like I should be so strong as to not cry while I sit here and type this or as to not cry each time the image of her helpless body enters my mind. I've never felt so small, so insignificant, as I did that morning. I remember thinking while all this was going on that this was out of my hands. I kept thinking that I had to trust that the Lord would keep her safe. And though I've always believed myself to be a faithful person I never thought I'd be capable of such surrender in a situation that involved the well-being of my babies. But it was in this very situation that God showed Himself to us and protected our sweet girl.

The pneumonia will be treated with some antibiotics and the seizure is, in all accounts, benign. Though her chances of having another have now increased, they don't cause any damage and she will outgrow them. It amazes me how resilient my little girl can be. When I asked the doctor after Maddie's spinal tap if she would be sore he laughed and said "Oh no. Babies are superior creatures to us adults. She won't remember or even care about this when it's over." And he was right. By the time Anthony and Ana picked us up our little fighter was happy as ever - asking for milk and saying "Hi, Daddy" about a hundred times in our 3 minute drive home. She was fine by morning and she's fine now. I, on the other hand, will just pray for my heart to heal and make me a better mama for having gotten through this.

It's funny how you think you could possibly love them anymore until...